It's only nine pm, and yet both kids are in bed after 30 minutes of storybook reading. The living room and makeshift kitchen areas are relatively clean, and all the dishes have been carried to the shared kitchen down the dorm hall and washed and drying.
For dinner, I used the leftover spinach soup from yesterday--which is exactly the amount I needed--to cook a batch of couscous (it's amazing how quickly couscous become ready to eat. I'm honestly surprised it's not more popular outside of Middle Eastern cultures). I accompanied the couscous with used vegetables I'd cooked and frozen before we left for Chinese New Year break; after thawing out the sweet potato and garlic mash and carrot and turnip juliennes, I added them to some freshly chopped green pepper and cilantro and sauteed everything together until it smelled like they'd absorbed the dash of soy sauce and pinch of sugar. The whole dinner prep took about 15 minutes. Everyone ate everything and no more leftovers!
The above details may be rambling and insignificant to most anyone else, but I'm taking the time to chronicle an all-too-rare night by the end of which I do not as usual feel defeated, like a failure, and dreading another day of futility. Instead, I actually feel like I'm winning right now. At running the household, at spending quality time with the kids, at providing nourishing food affordably. A far cry from even just a few hours ago when I felt harassed by Petra's terrible twosomeness, her peeing on the couch and then stripping naked and refusing to get dressed again (and lots and lots of other things), and I was struggling with some online accounts, and I was feeling ordered around and snapping at Daniel... Things turned around really quickly, and all I can say now is: praise.
Tomorrow is another day.
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Friday, February 27, 2015
back home
After I rode a Greyhound-equivalent bus back to Hsinchu from Kaohsiung yesterday afternoon, I did some lesson planning with three other people at my local church for our youth group. This morning, I caught the city bus to the train station, where I was supposed to meet up with a South African expat who'd agreed to sell me her blue ukelele. For some reason, my cell phone didn't charge overnight, so I scanned and patrolled the small station for 20 minutes after our appointed time before I gave up and caught the city bus back to campus.
On the ride home, I noticed all the extremely old people waiting at the bus stops and boarding the bus I was on. They moved with small, slow steps and fast-twitching head or hands. Their skin were shrunken, lined, and mottled with age spots. They all seem to know each other, greeting each other as they got on and off the buses at the stops. Hsinchu has the highest monthly government stipends (akin to Social Security in the US) for its senior citizens, and it's where my own paternal grandparents and now my two oldest paternal uncles lived. I know that Hsinchu doesn't have a good reputation for tourists--or even the locals. The people who work in the Science Park earn a ton of money, but for the rest of us, it's a small sleepy city that's a bit run-down without any flashy public transportation. Having spent the last 10 days in the metropolis and urban wonderland that is Taipei, my industrious yet also fantastically nature-focused hometown of Kaohsiung, and the historical and cultural center of Tainan, Hsinchu really seem quite sleepy and uneventful. But I had missed it, because it's where my immediate family lives, where my husband works, where my son goes to school, where my paternal side of the family escaped to as political refugees in 1948. I'm sure at any point, we could be uprooted and replanted somewhere else, and then that place could also easily become home-like. We've moved around so much that I'm used to that more than the alternative. But it's still nice to have a home base for now, no matter how unsophisticated it appears to those just passing through.
So for Chinese New Year this year, I observed the following traditions: Traveled to visit the most senior generation of my family tree and had New Year Eve's Dinner with four generations under one roof. Stayed up until midnight and listened to the firecrackers to herald the new year. Returned to my hometown to visit my parents and my dad's sister. Brought gifts for my elders and red envelops for my younger cousins.
The traditions of cleaning out the whole house before the new year....I was not successful. Because I got sick at the last minute. Yep. Only reason. Yep. I also didn't go to the temples to light incense for the gods or turn on the kitchen stove to welcome back the kitchen god, but I did have to explain for the kids why so many people were burning paper money along the streets.
It's nice to catch up with relatives who have felt more and more distant every year I've been out of the country. Being able to celebrate Chinese New Year with them this year has been a privilege. I was also thankful for being able to hike Elephant Mountain on the first day of the new year, courtesy of the MRT station to get me to the foot of the mountain quickly. Other highlights include running around Da'an Park, the kids playing there with my mom, strolling along the Love Rive in Kaohsiung with my mom and Petra while admiring the Lantern Festival installations, celebrating my mom's 60th birthday in person with her and my dad and surprising her with a small cake. The last time I did the last event I just mentioned was over 10 years ago. I hope I am finally becoming a better daughter.
Declan in his silk qipao, bidding everyone peace on Chinese New Year's Eve
Saturday, February 21, 2015
cny 2015
So far still in the midst of Chinese New Year celebrations. Day two of the new year, and the national holiday continues until next Tuesday. Lots of mainland Chinese tourists visiting here, and some Japanese ones still. Too bad one of my best friends currently working in Beijing chose to vacation in Cambodia and Japan instead. Boohoo. I've been in Taipei since New Year's Eve, in time to pay respects to my grandparents. There's something quietly amazing about four generations of one kin eating a big home-cooked meal to mark another year of a 5000-year-old tradition.
Still suffering the effects of a terrible cold that laid waste my body on its first full blown day last Sunday. It's been about five days, and I've gone hiking and running the last two days because I'm tired of the cold slowing me down. My whole body aches now. I'm definitely weaker right now, but rallying.
I've been running regularly since the Western calendar's new year, about 7-8 kilometers every other day. Now I want to work on going to bed by 11pm nightly instead of often only finally sleeping at 2 or 3am because I was gorging on personal time. That probably affected how I came out against the cold virus during this latest round.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
new year resolutions 2015
My unofficial new year resolution is to push the boundaries of socially acceptable venues for yoga pants-wearing. Too much talk of said mission will sabotage the mission's success, so let's move on.
Resolutions (that are good to start, today being just as good a time to start as any):
1. Spend 30 minutes daily studying, respectively, Hebrew using Hebrewpod101 and French using Duolingo
2. Spend 30 minutes daily first thing after waking studying the Scriptures, journaling/reflecting, and singing praise songs.
3. Run ~3 to 5 km every day at at least 7km/hr pace (which usually takes about 30 minutes for me to sneak out and back from home and my running routes).
4. As much as I can, wash the dirty dishes/utensils immediately after the particular meal that required their use. This bad habit of letting things pile up is getting too annoying.
Okay, four resolutions are good enough. I know it's quite popular now to bash this tradition/habit of making new year resolutions, and my cynical side does find it amusing to see the large crowd at the gym slowly peter off after two weeks or so. However, my idealistic side continues to applaud the valiant attempts towards making more of ourselves. I wish everyone a good new year.
Resolutions (that are good to start, today being just as good a time to start as any):
1. Spend 30 minutes daily studying, respectively, Hebrew using Hebrewpod101 and French using Duolingo
2. Spend 30 minutes daily first thing after waking studying the Scriptures, journaling/reflecting, and singing praise songs.
3. Run ~3 to 5 km every day at at least 7km/hr pace (which usually takes about 30 minutes for me to sneak out and back from home and my running routes).
4. As much as I can, wash the dirty dishes/utensils immediately after the particular meal that required their use. This bad habit of letting things pile up is getting too annoying.
Okay, four resolutions are good enough. I know it's quite popular now to bash this tradition/habit of making new year resolutions, and my cynical side does find it amusing to see the large crowd at the gym slowly peter off after two weeks or so. However, my idealistic side continues to applaud the valiant attempts towards making more of ourselves. I wish everyone a good new year.
Monday, December 22, 2014
language studies, revised plan
Trying to get back into a daily routine again that I actually feel interested in... Petra is definitely steamrolling right into the toddler phase, reminding me again of how irrational and tyrannical toddlers can be. (And how Rousseau clearly never even visited any of his many children with various lovers, at least not when they were toddlers.)
Besides running ~30 minutes whenever Daniel can watch the kids, I have declared in my last post about setting out to study Japanese, Hebrew, Arabic, and Spanish. So I eventually went one step further in trying to use the language apps for said languages daily....and discovered that I'm actually not that motivated to learn Japanese or Spanish right now. They're both pretty useful languages to learn if I were to live in Taiwan and the US, respectively, and yet my heart's not in it. Very odd. Instead, I've returned to a site I used to use quite a lot: Duolingo and resumed practicing French. Daniel gets one sabbatical year every three years at his current university, and we've discussed living abroad either in Israel or Belgium during that year. I would have to homeschool Declan, which should be fine for first grade, and that would also mean that knowing French could be useful since Jews from France are emigrating to Israel at a large rate / the part of Belgium in question is French-speaking.
I've also tested some Hebrew resources online. Between the more seriously-looking Ulpanet and the more commercial-seeming Hebrewpod101, I've decided to use the latter as the former can get kind of laborious in manual input for doing exercises online. The most important thing right now for me is what is going to keep me consistently clocking in for daily lessons/practices. Just like running.
So language studies plan, revised: 30 minutes each day of French and Hebrew via Duolingo and Hebrewpod101, respectively. Still on the lookout for Arabic learning resource that doesn't push an Islamist agenda and is of the Levant dialect.
Besides running ~30 minutes whenever Daniel can watch the kids, I have declared in my last post about setting out to study Japanese, Hebrew, Arabic, and Spanish. So I eventually went one step further in trying to use the language apps for said languages daily....and discovered that I'm actually not that motivated to learn Japanese or Spanish right now. They're both pretty useful languages to learn if I were to live in Taiwan and the US, respectively, and yet my heart's not in it. Very odd. Instead, I've returned to a site I used to use quite a lot: Duolingo and resumed practicing French. Daniel gets one sabbatical year every three years at his current university, and we've discussed living abroad either in Israel or Belgium during that year. I would have to homeschool Declan, which should be fine for first grade, and that would also mean that knowing French could be useful since Jews from France are emigrating to Israel at a large rate / the part of Belgium in question is French-speaking.
I've also tested some Hebrew resources online. Between the more seriously-looking Ulpanet and the more commercial-seeming Hebrewpod101, I've decided to use the latter as the former can get kind of laborious in manual input for doing exercises online. The most important thing right now for me is what is going to keep me consistently clocking in for daily lessons/practices. Just like running.
So language studies plan, revised: 30 minutes each day of French and Hebrew via Duolingo and Hebrewpod101, respectively. Still on the lookout for Arabic learning resource that doesn't push an Islamist agenda and is of the Levant dialect.
Friday, December 12, 2014
uninspired
Ever since Daniel came back from Naples, I've been feeling by turns angry, disappointed, depressed...with Daniel, my life, our relationship... It kind of reminds me of my body's tendency to get sick/break down after--and only after--finals season. Both when I was a student and when I was a teacher. It's like my body waits and waits and waits during times of real stress and need to push through, but it doesn't forget--my vindictive pack of DNA--and must inflict a price upon me for not sleeping as much, eating as well, or generally fudging on my physical welfare. Perhaps now is that trend also, on an emotional front.
I just feel so bored being a stay-at-home mom. And I feel horrible saying that because there's definitely enough chores to do every single day (oftentimes one must do the same chores at least *three* times a day--yeehaw!) to keep me very, very busy. There are in the end several kinds of busy-ness: tedious, mind-numbing, spirit-exhausting, or invigorating, worthwhile, exciting.
Perhaps I'm feeling ungrateful.
Anyhow, I've decided to try to really focus on learning some new languages again. At first it was a whole slew of possibilities, given a tremendous amount of free language learning apps nowadays. After dabbling in a few options most of this morning, I'm choosing to focus on Japanese and Hebrew for now. Arabic and Spanish will have to wait until I can start to make out my Israeli friends' social media posts without needing Bing or Google translators.
All righty then. That gives me a little something to look forward to besides cheering Petra on and then cleaning out her potty, which is, okay, actually kind of exciting that she's enjoying the beginning of toilet training.
I just feel so bored being a stay-at-home mom. And I feel horrible saying that because there's definitely enough chores to do every single day (oftentimes one must do the same chores at least *three* times a day--yeehaw!) to keep me very, very busy. There are in the end several kinds of busy-ness: tedious, mind-numbing, spirit-exhausting, or invigorating, worthwhile, exciting.
Perhaps I'm feeling ungrateful.
Anyhow, I've decided to try to really focus on learning some new languages again. At first it was a whole slew of possibilities, given a tremendous amount of free language learning apps nowadays. After dabbling in a few options most of this morning, I'm choosing to focus on Japanese and Hebrew for now. Arabic and Spanish will have to wait until I can start to make out my Israeli friends' social media posts without needing Bing or Google translators.
All righty then. That gives me a little something to look forward to besides cheering Petra on and then cleaning out her potty, which is, okay, actually kind of exciting that she's enjoying the beginning of toilet training.
How I feel about my days most of the time
Thursday, November 20, 2014
a blow-by-blow record of this past week
In a few hours (six hours to be exact), I would have been in charge of the kids solo for exactly a week. This sounds like a paltry amount of time, but it's a pretty big milestone for me. I've done this for six days in Seattle when I was two months pregnant and Declan was a little over 1.5 years old. Just one kid and I had the local YMCA which provides free childcare in the mornings, as well as Christy popping by to hang out on weeknights. I've also done this for five days in Kaohsiung when Declan was two and Petra was six months old. However, that time my mom had came by the apartment in the afternoon sometimes to help divert Declan, so I didn't feel completely alone.
There's been a couple of times, like tonight, when I seriously wanted to do bodily harm to Declan for his behavior. I'm starting to suspect that he's really angry about his dad not being around, and he's taking it out on me by contradicting my statements, ignoring my direct instructions to not do something, and criticizing a lot of things I'm doing (such as telling me that the food I gave him "tastes like crap"). It's like I'm already dealing with an American teenager in my household. Good grief.
There's also been a surprising amount of time when I felt at ease, enjoying my kids' company. Even tonight, there were flashes of priceless moments like when Declan flashed a cute face/hand gesture that he must have picked up from kindergarten, and Petra tried to copy him but couldn't master the wink so she has both eyes closed tightly as she grinned like him. Declan and I laughed together at that, and Declan showed me another hand gesture--a jaunty salute. He also pointed out to me as I was picking him up today his calisthenics teacher, "Mr. Alligator." His teacher had already passed by us, but overheard Declan talking about him and turned back to wave to us. Declan described all the fun activities Mr. Alligator leads the students in, as well as all the toys he gives them to play with. I said, "You really like his class, huh, Declan?" And Declan replied, "He doesn't have classes! We just play next to my classroom!"
So, on Saturday, the kids lounged around at home watching morning cartoons (don't judge me) while I cleaned around the apartment. Then we took a church-organized bus to a nearby wildlife refuge and picked up trash along the beachfront. Declan used tongs and everything. Then we had a BBQ by the beach after we dropped off the trash bags. Then Declan peed his pants because he was having too much fun and forgot until it was too late. Petra also had a good time sliding down the sand.
On Sunday, I biked with the kids (back carrying Petra with the Ergo, Declan in the child seat--just like every day to and back from his school) to church. Afternoon nap time was a struggle. I don't really remember what happened the rest of the afternoon/night.
On Monday, school drop off and pick up and then, after dinner, we went for a stroll around campus/Declan on his tricycle. One of the dishes at dinner was chicken soup that a friend from church had made and dropped off at my place on Saturday. Her middle school-aged son also gave Declan a toy train, which Declan partially broken within the first 10 seconds of playing.
On Tuesday, I attended women's bible study at my local church and had lots of food for thought apart from childcare matters so that was a really nice change/addition. Then I dropped off Petra's ROC passport application and related documents to a travel agency. After diner, I unpacked all the boxes that've arrived from Israel while the kids played with the emptied out boxes. One of the dishes at dinner was some salted chicken which the pastor of my local church gave to me after service on Sunday. The kids loved it, but I suspect that's the cause of Petra's current light diarrhea (not health-threatening, but a hassle to live with). The chicken was pretty oily. (And, yes, I've given up on being vegan all the time now that I live in Taiwan. It seems, however, that my Israel-induced aversion to pork and general hesitation towards all meats is a fairly permanent thing.)
On Wednesday, a neighbor volunteered to watch Petra so I could go for a run, so I kind of overdid it and ran a little over 7 kilometers before I restrained myself from abusing my neighbor's kindness. It felt so good to have that freedom to do something I love and don't want to stop loving (which would happen when I don't do it enough, and then transition time is needed to re-love it again). Declan had wanted a particular toy from the McDonald's "Happy Meal" that he saw during Monday's post-dinner outing, so on this night, we had Happy Meal takeouts and watched "101 Dalmations" on Youtube. Declan's verdict is that it was a bad movie because the puppies got stolen. He told me I made a poor choice in showing him that movie. I ended up eating most of the McDonald's and the kids ate almost nothing.
Today (Thursday), I babysat my aforementioned neighbor's one-year-old daughter, who is three months younger than Petra. Petra and the girl played in the morning while my neighbor rode her moped to a nearby city for baking supplies. (The city, Zhubei, is a fairly new settlement that's popular with expats, so naturally it has more Western/Westernized resources.) She gave me three cupcakes in a pretty box when she picked up her daughter. I was pretty much along with the kids for the rest of the day, minus the shallow pleasantries at Declan's school during pickup time. Petra failed to take her afternoon nap, and she's still pooping all over the place.
Tomorrow, I plan to take the kids via a free shuttle after school to a playspace for which I'd bought some reduced entrance fee certificates. It'll be more all right if they go to bed later and wake up later. It being a Friday, just psychologically, I feel lighter and more cheerful about the coming day.
Daniel returns after the kids (hopefully) go to bed on the last Sunday of this month. A little over another week. May I (and the children) survive unscathed.
There's been a couple of times, like tonight, when I seriously wanted to do bodily harm to Declan for his behavior. I'm starting to suspect that he's really angry about his dad not being around, and he's taking it out on me by contradicting my statements, ignoring my direct instructions to not do something, and criticizing a lot of things I'm doing (such as telling me that the food I gave him "tastes like crap"). It's like I'm already dealing with an American teenager in my household. Good grief.
There's also been a surprising amount of time when I felt at ease, enjoying my kids' company. Even tonight, there were flashes of priceless moments like when Declan flashed a cute face/hand gesture that he must have picked up from kindergarten, and Petra tried to copy him but couldn't master the wink so she has both eyes closed tightly as she grinned like him. Declan and I laughed together at that, and Declan showed me another hand gesture--a jaunty salute. He also pointed out to me as I was picking him up today his calisthenics teacher, "Mr. Alligator." His teacher had already passed by us, but overheard Declan talking about him and turned back to wave to us. Declan described all the fun activities Mr. Alligator leads the students in, as well as all the toys he gives them to play with. I said, "You really like his class, huh, Declan?" And Declan replied, "He doesn't have classes! We just play next to my classroom!"
So, on Saturday, the kids lounged around at home watching morning cartoons (don't judge me) while I cleaned around the apartment. Then we took a church-organized bus to a nearby wildlife refuge and picked up trash along the beachfront. Declan used tongs and everything. Then we had a BBQ by the beach after we dropped off the trash bags. Then Declan peed his pants because he was having too much fun and forgot until it was too late. Petra also had a good time sliding down the sand.
On Sunday, I biked with the kids (back carrying Petra with the Ergo, Declan in the child seat--just like every day to and back from his school) to church. Afternoon nap time was a struggle. I don't really remember what happened the rest of the afternoon/night.
On Monday, school drop off and pick up and then, after dinner, we went for a stroll around campus/Declan on his tricycle. One of the dishes at dinner was chicken soup that a friend from church had made and dropped off at my place on Saturday. Her middle school-aged son also gave Declan a toy train, which Declan partially broken within the first 10 seconds of playing.
On Tuesday, I attended women's bible study at my local church and had lots of food for thought apart from childcare matters so that was a really nice change/addition. Then I dropped off Petra's ROC passport application and related documents to a travel agency. After diner, I unpacked all the boxes that've arrived from Israel while the kids played with the emptied out boxes. One of the dishes at dinner was some salted chicken which the pastor of my local church gave to me after service on Sunday. The kids loved it, but I suspect that's the cause of Petra's current light diarrhea (not health-threatening, but a hassle to live with). The chicken was pretty oily. (And, yes, I've given up on being vegan all the time now that I live in Taiwan. It seems, however, that my Israel-induced aversion to pork and general hesitation towards all meats is a fairly permanent thing.)
On Wednesday, a neighbor volunteered to watch Petra so I could go for a run, so I kind of overdid it and ran a little over 7 kilometers before I restrained myself from abusing my neighbor's kindness. It felt so good to have that freedom to do something I love and don't want to stop loving (which would happen when I don't do it enough, and then transition time is needed to re-love it again). Declan had wanted a particular toy from the McDonald's "Happy Meal" that he saw during Monday's post-dinner outing, so on this night, we had Happy Meal takeouts and watched "101 Dalmations" on Youtube. Declan's verdict is that it was a bad movie because the puppies got stolen. He told me I made a poor choice in showing him that movie. I ended up eating most of the McDonald's and the kids ate almost nothing.
Today (Thursday), I babysat my aforementioned neighbor's one-year-old daughter, who is three months younger than Petra. Petra and the girl played in the morning while my neighbor rode her moped to a nearby city for baking supplies. (The city, Zhubei, is a fairly new settlement that's popular with expats, so naturally it has more Western/Westernized resources.) She gave me three cupcakes in a pretty box when she picked up her daughter. I was pretty much along with the kids for the rest of the day, minus the shallow pleasantries at Declan's school during pickup time. Petra failed to take her afternoon nap, and she's still pooping all over the place.
Tomorrow, I plan to take the kids via a free shuttle after school to a playspace for which I'd bought some reduced entrance fee certificates. It'll be more all right if they go to bed later and wake up later. It being a Friday, just psychologically, I feel lighter and more cheerful about the coming day.
Daniel returns after the kids (hopefully) go to bed on the last Sunday of this month. A little over another week. May I (and the children) survive unscathed.
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