mundane snapshot of life with baby

I woke up soaked in the midsection around 4am. Slightly confused, I realized that my son had wormed his way in between my left arm and side. And he had peed all over the bedsheet, and on me. Guess I put on his bumGenius all-in-one a little too loosely on one side. Live and learn.

So now I'm waiting until the apartment's rule of the laundry facility allows me to wash the sheets after 8a.m. While I will miss Pittsburgh's public libraries, the zoo, the park, the internet, I am looking forward to having a free washer in the faculty apartment we plan to rent in China. This is the extent of how much more convenient life would be, that I am soothed by such a seemingly uneven trade-off.

Fortunately, the quarters for the washing and drying cycle will not be wasted, as there are also a lot of other dirty clothes waiting for attention. My little family had been driving and walking around the American midwest, you see...visiting my husband's relatives, seeing his sister graduate, reminiscing of old days for my husband. My son learned to sit properly and started to crawl while we were from Pittsburgh. Sometimes I'm so surprised that this little creature who would not allow me to stop holding him for the first three months of his life is now able to get from one place to another all on his own, albeit drunkenly and with the most hilarious ungracefulness. He giggles all the time now. It's great.

It makes me wonder if I would change my mind about never having another kid again. Or at least, having one more naturally before I adopt. After much (useless) speculation (useless since even if my answer has changed, it won't be for the first three years of my son's life anyway), I have decided to enjoy my son's babyhood for now, stop trying to remember all the ghastly details so as to stay my course, and leave the decision to a later conversation with God.

rights vs. privileges

Just found out that China blocks blogger, facebook, youtube, and all Taiwanese news sites.

I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised. I knew the government is pretty big on censorship, but I thought I've made my peace with not getting to have full access to certain books I want to read.

This makes the easy ability for people in the United States to stay informed and make educated decisions on how the government here should govern all the more incredible. Incredible in how little most people care. How quickly our attention is diverted to frothy entertainment.

I consider it a right to have public access to information, freedom to communicate via social network forums, and choice to decide how I want to navigate all these resources. This is the first time censorship made such a visceral impact on me. An actual wave of nausea swept over me, in facing this very real restriction, this choking off of information and means of contact, within the next three months.

My husband asked me if I'm sorry we decided to move to China now. For a few minutes, I was. I've already accepted the troubles it might bring to how we live out our faith, how we raise our son, how we forfeit the much greater earning power he would have if we remain in the States. Now to add to everything else, I wonder how I would be able to keep on top of my academic interests -- when I want to do my PhD in the very area over which the government clearly wants control. It's going to be a lot more complicated than I had imagined, and I bet JSTOR and other databases will be equally banned. (Maybe? I hope not...we'll see.)

After the few minutes, ok, hours, I decided: Bring it. I am not sorry we're going to have deal with yet another thing I hold so dear. Because, as our moving day crawls gradually closer, I am seeing how more and more, a lot of the things I have taken for granted as rights here in the States can be laughably (because it's absurd! Of *course* everyone should be able to practice their religion or read anything freely!) considered a privilege elsewhere. It's valuable to gain that perspective, and to start becoming familiar with the viewpoints and realities of people from countries like Iran, Saudi Arabia, China. People from countries known for idea-restricting governments.

If all the things I've been used to and have considered to be valuable rights -- if I am called to give up these things or for these things to be harder to attain, so that I can better learn and care for what is true and good in the world, then okay. Bring it.

a flurry of special circumstances

For the past three weeks, I have had my meals cooked by another, dishes washed not by my hands, and trash taken out as if by magic. I have even had some time to myself, to read, to use the restroom leisurely, to rest my arms and not spend every minute of every daylight time holding and entertaining the baby.

Because my mother had been visiting her grandson, her daughter, and her son-in-law for the last three weeks.

And I really, really, really appreciated all of her help and tireless cooking and co-caring for the baby. I feel really spoiled now. How can I go back to being all by myself again, all day, thinking of things to do with the baby, while trying to keep the house clean and meals cooked to boot?

It is really more daunting than it sounds. Nevertheless, I am thankful to rely on God in a whole new way. I will go back to caring for my son all by myself for most of the day again, because I must, and--as much as sometimes the thought still paralyzes me with fatigue-laden fear--I can. For He has given me a spirit not of fear, but of power through Christ.

I've been going through the Bible quite extensively, you see. My brother also paid a one-day (matter of hours, really) visit over the last weekend, and gifted me with a nook(!) Which allows free downloads of certain books(!) like the Bible. And it's so, so portable to read, knowing I have several books at my disposal, all on the palm of my hand, while I sit next to my son, whose napping never guarantees that he can be left alone with the propensity to scratch his eczema-inflicted cheeks to bloodiness, even in his sleep.

And in my extensive reading of the Bible, I am surprised by how often suffering is mentioned as a natural course of the Christian life. A beneficial, natural course, in fact. Maybe more on this later.

In the meantime, my husband has finally turned in his thesis. This might mean that he'll have more time to spend with the baby and me before he starts his new job. Lots of traveling and uncommon schedules before then. Starting with today's baby shower thrown by my husband's extended family. I have a lot to be thankful for, mainly about their kindness and desire to show love for my son. The latter held up relatively well under such (over)stimulation, with one or two crying jags that I was able to calm him down from. Whew. Clean-up and packing for Michigan tomorrow.