inspiration

I attended an arts forum of sorts at someone’s home the other day. It was attended by mostly (if not all) Jewish retirees of the surrounding Carbondale area…and me. The person who hosted the event is basically an arts patron, who often provides the space and reception for artists and cultural endeavors. Her house is a cross between an art museum, a community center, a bistro—with a honest-to-goodness small film screening room (which also has a studio space full of musical instruments behind the movie screen). Touring the house was a social experience all on its own and erased the misgivings I had before arriving at the scene.

The luncheon preceding the main event was a tad bit painful as I wasn’t sure if I was crashing the table of old friends or how interested my three table companions were with anything to do with me. We then completely filled all the seats of the screening room and watched a 30-minute-long documentary called “Blue Like Me: the Art of Siona Benjamin”—a crowd-funded, by turns thought-provoking and whimsical, introduction to the Jewish-Indian community in Mumbai (Siona’s community and hometown), the mythological/ethnic/cultural fusion of Indian and Middle Eastern heritages in her art. Siona fielded some questions and elaborated on her artistic process as well as some of her commissions.

One of my favorite artworks by Siona Benjamin:
"Vashti", with elements of Indian and Jewish symbols

The blending of political commentary, sarcastic/sly humor in identity discourse, and appreciation of human nature in Siona’s works really interests me, and I wish—I really wish—that I could be contributing…inspiring…providing food for thought…the way she has and is doing.

I don’t know how to begin. If only I had not fought against the limitations, or so I felt, of me being a girl ergo only being capable in the humanities according to my grandparents and parents. My art teachers and English teachers had recommended me for things that I had turned down in pursuit of more “hard science” focuses, and now I regret not having entered university as an art or creative writing major. Regret is a pretty useless emotion though; I’m so over it. But is it really too late?

the current trend in running

Since our visit to Ann Arbor about two weeks ago, I've started running again consistently with a rest day here and there. When I don't feel like running in the first moments that I wake up, I remind myself how edgy and restless I feel (even more than usual) for the rest of the day. And the suggestion that I'll just run later in the day or at night rarely comes to pass, so the first thing in the morning it is.

Sometimes when I really don't feel up for it, I convince myself to just run for 20 minutes. Twenty minutes is nothing. If I had rolled over in bed or just went about the rest of my morning routine, 20 minutes usually dwindle invisibly in brief email or news checking. So far, every time I convince myself to just run for 20 minutes, I would reach the mark and want to keep going since it's only been 20 minutes and I'm already out the door and now sweaty anyways. Usually around the 20 minute mark, I'm closing in on two miles or more, in which case, why not aim for a 5K? It's just about one mile more, so I keep going on. Then when I hit 5K, sometimes I think why not go for 5 miles? It's just a little less than two miles more. Then when I hit 5 miles, sometimes I still feel pretty okay, so I think why not go 1.2 miles more and make that a 10K? Once, I ended up running three more miles after the 10K, and started thinking I might as well go four more miles and finish with a half-marathon. But then I remembered how I've always gotten feverish for a week after the half-marathon events I've done, and my past experiences told me not to push it for now. Maybe one day when I consistently reach the 10 mile mark on my daily runs, I'll change my attitude towards the half. If I can consistently run 10 miles every day, chances are doing another 3.1 miles isn't going to do me in anymore.

So now a routine, a habit, is being set: at least 20 minutes -> 5K (3.1mi) -> 5 miles -> 10K (6.2mi) -> 9-10 miles... are my various daily run lengths, depending on how I feel that day, how late I went to bed last night, etc. I'm not sure why, but running regularly really makes me feel more sane. I hope I can keep this going.