Right now, my son is playing by himself (for about 10 minutes now!) with wooden train tracks and miniature magnetic trains--toys courtesy of the boys in the family that we're currently subletting our Israeli apartment from. He's making little babbling conversation noises and train sounds while he's pushing the pieces around. Most of the time, I seriously regret having a child and making life 1000% harder and more exhausting for myself, but right now...right now I wish I could set up a webcam to capture his playtime for his grandmothers to see, because maybe they would be able to appreciate how almost unbearably cute he is being.
In about two minutes, I need to start making food for Shabbat dinner. Our friends Kirsten and Or had invited us to the monthly potluck gathering at the Messianic congregation they attend. Because most every place, including the grocery store, closes by sundown Friday and stay closed for all of Saturday, the lines at the grocery store were super long. Additionally, I had not brought enough shekels and needed to take items out. Additionally on top of that, I had missed seeing the 10 items express sign (written in Hebrew, decipherable by me via the Arabic number 10) until after I'd unloaded all my items and only then registered the dirty look the cashier was casting towards me. It was nice of the man behind me to gesture for me to stay in the line, but I loaded everything back in my cart and got in line behind two giant grocery carts in the other lane. It is, I think, more important for me--who already don't speak much Hebrew and thus require everyone else to satisfy my English needs--to be as courteous as possible and not risk feeding the legend of Ugly Americans.
It was still really nice to go somewhere without having a kid around though. Despite the above mortifications, this grocery trip I had to make during the Shabbat-prep rush was still so much easier than when I go with Declan. A reassuring thought that the reason why life seems so much harder for me now could be because of motherhood, not simply because I've somehow became a really incompetent person.
Oops, times up. I'll hopefully be able to describe the family morning outing to Dado Beach at some later time.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Friday, August 24, 2012
a brief interlude upon the past before I move forward from it forever
So it's official. Finally settled in my mind. A little over a month ago, about the time when I turned 30, I had decided to attempt at repairing as many broken relationships as I can remember. To my (pleasant) surprise, the one person that I thought would never forgive me seemed to have put his grudge against me finally to an end. At least, that's what I interpret the acceptance to my Facebook request and the friendly response to my birthday wish for him to be. To my (very sad) surprise, one other person--who I really don't know why I care as much as I do--did not. J.G. had broken up with me via email after a (disastrous) eight-months dating relationship while he was playing with his Pittsburgh church friends during the summer I was interning for a radio station in Asia.
His reason was that he didn't think our friendship was strong enough as a foundation for our relationship, so he would like us to break up in order to better strengthen our friendship first. Our hanging-out remained cordially enough after I returned to the States--we even drove to Michigan and back together for two mutual friends' wedding as soon as I returned from Hong Kong (for which he still has not paid me his half of the car rental fee, oh well). For some reason, though, it all went sour. Maybe because I started dating another guy. Maybe because all the unhealthy things we did together during our dating relationship caught up with him and conflicted with his high idea of himself, and he could no longer acknowledge my existence. The latter is most likely the reason, since the last time we really talked, he had said, "It makes me feel bad to see you. Seeing you makes me feel bad."
It was really the last straw for me at that time. After all that he had done, somehow he made it sound like everything bad was all my fault. I distanced myself from then on, and he didn't stop me.
So, yeah, he definitely came to mind when I thought about burying all hatchets on my birthday. It was not the first time I had reached out since that period of cooling-off, and I had received radio silence when I informed him of my engagement as well as being completely ignored when he sat across from me during a mutual friends' lunch gathering and other people expressed, well, emotions upon the news of my first pregnancy. So I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised to find out that he's decided to cut me from his life forever, if all of his Facebook activity sans any attention to my Facebook request is any indication. I shouldn't have been so surprised except for the factors: (1) it's been more than three years, (2) we'd been friends for far longer than we've been significant others, and (3) he's for all appearances involved finally in a dating relationship with a girl that's clearly more attuned with his personality and culture and who absolutely adores him, so why would he still be blasé about me?
Then I came upon, by serendipity, an internet article about letting friendships go, and it's really clear to me that that's a very specific case applicable to him. So, okay. Farewell, my former friend. I do wish you all the best in your future, and I hope one day you will truly forgive me for all the wrongs, real of imagined, that I did you. And also come to recognize me for who I really am, not some demonic being that pulled you down for a while, as you seem to see me.
His reason was that he didn't think our friendship was strong enough as a foundation for our relationship, so he would like us to break up in order to better strengthen our friendship first. Our hanging-out remained cordially enough after I returned to the States--we even drove to Michigan and back together for two mutual friends' wedding as soon as I returned from Hong Kong (for which he still has not paid me his half of the car rental fee, oh well). For some reason, though, it all went sour. Maybe because I started dating another guy. Maybe because all the unhealthy things we did together during our dating relationship caught up with him and conflicted with his high idea of himself, and he could no longer acknowledge my existence. The latter is most likely the reason, since the last time we really talked, he had said, "It makes me feel bad to see you. Seeing you makes me feel bad."
It was really the last straw for me at that time. After all that he had done, somehow he made it sound like everything bad was all my fault. I distanced myself from then on, and he didn't stop me.
So, yeah, he definitely came to mind when I thought about burying all hatchets on my birthday. It was not the first time I had reached out since that period of cooling-off, and I had received radio silence when I informed him of my engagement as well as being completely ignored when he sat across from me during a mutual friends' lunch gathering and other people expressed, well, emotions upon the news of my first pregnancy. So I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised to find out that he's decided to cut me from his life forever, if all of his Facebook activity sans any attention to my Facebook request is any indication. I shouldn't have been so surprised except for the factors: (1) it's been more than three years, (2) we'd been friends for far longer than we've been significant others, and (3) he's for all appearances involved finally in a dating relationship with a girl that's clearly more attuned with his personality and culture and who absolutely adores him, so why would he still be blasé about me?
Then I came upon, by serendipity, an internet article about letting friendships go, and it's really clear to me that that's a very specific case applicable to him. So, okay. Farewell, my former friend. I do wish you all the best in your future, and I hope one day you will truly forgive me for all the wrongs, real of imagined, that I did you. And also come to recognize me for who I really am, not some demonic being that pulled you down for a while, as you seem to see me.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
first attempt at connection with local civilization
Today is our first experience with Shabbat in the Holy Land. Strangely, it doesn't feel much different from weekends in Paris during the two weeks I was there, aside from the everything shutting down around Friday dusk and all of Saturday here instead of Sunday in Paris. Last night, I fell asleep on the living room couch while waiting for my husband to put our son to bed and woke up around 11:30pm by young-sounding guys and gals yelling while partying outside. I turned off all the lights and went to our bedroom, to discover that our son's sleeping with one leg slung over the side of the bed so that if he were to roll over by a little more degrees, he would have most certainly fell to the hard floor and conked his head. Close call.
Daniel has stumbled upon a Messianic congregation online that appears to be half an hour by foot from our place, so we set out walking to there this morning under the blazing sun. Twenty minutes later, we found ourselves on the top of the famed Bahai Garden. Turns out the map Daniel was relying on required us to walk through the Garden to the bottom of the hill into downtown. Unfortunately, one could only do so via a guided tour through the Garden. Plan change-- we hailed a taxi instead... and discovered that the driver had no idea where he was going or could barely understand what we were trying to convey. He asked for our destination at least four times, and each previous time seemed to remember the information incorrectly. We ended up riding down the hill to downtown and then up the hill to somewhere that he was sure was where we said we wanted to go. It was a very strange experience to be pointed to a place that's obviously not where we said we wanted to go and being refuted over and over again that, yes, in fact, that was the place. I finally said, NO IT'S REALLY NOT. WHAT SHOULD WE PAY YOU TO JUST LEAVE US ALONE? as we got out of the cab and waited for him to leave. The thing is, he had not turned on the cab meter, so he said, "What do you want to pay me for driving you all over the city?"
Like, WHAT.
Anyway, we ended up paying him the price he named, even though I think we were supposed to haggle a bit but I was too disgusted to care by then. And, 45 minutes later, we found another 100% more competent cab driver to take us to the Messianic congregation after we got a map that shows explicit directions from a hotel we stumbled upon. I am very grateful that our son was pretty calm and quiet through all this traveling, despite the heat and going in and out of his stroller. We actually made it to service fairly on time (five minutes late).
The service was interesting... I really appreciated being able to worship with other believers. The congregation consists of Hebrew, Russian, and English speakers. So everything was in Hebrew, and Russian and English speakers get earpieces that we can hear instantaneous translations from the professional translators sitting in the back. Kind of like worshiping at the U.N. I'm starting to discern some Hebrew alphabets via the hymns we sang, and I really hope I'll be able to learn a lot more Hebrew while I'm here. I'd been lazy about picking this language up since a lot of people assured us that most Israelis speak English, but I'm discovering that a lot of them don't speak it very well, or don't like to speak it. And 90% of street signs are only in Hebrew, which really drove home to me a feeling of being shut out literacy-wise. I've never felt so disconnected with words, which is usually my one lifeline. I wasn't that intimidated while traveling in Japan, since I've studied Japanese, simplified characters in China were fairly easy to adapt to, and most European languages are honestly not that daunting. This is an entirely different story, with a completely foreign script.
I don't know if we will stick with going to this congregation. We met some nice people, but that's always the case when going to a new church. Somehow, I'm having a hard time shaking this stale feeling of "here we go again." I must confess that I'm afraid... I'm afraid I'll be as unhappy here as I was in China, that maybe I'm just an unhappy person no matter where I go. So of course nobody will want to be friends with me.
Somehow I feel like I've failed so many times in the past to fit into a new place, to build a life in which I feel truly purposeful. And throwing a tantrum-prone toddler and another impending birth into the mix basically finishes off any shred of optimism and self-confidence left for me.
Well, we'll see what happens. Day by day.
Daniel has stumbled upon a Messianic congregation online that appears to be half an hour by foot from our place, so we set out walking to there this morning under the blazing sun. Twenty minutes later, we found ourselves on the top of the famed Bahai Garden. Turns out the map Daniel was relying on required us to walk through the Garden to the bottom of the hill into downtown. Unfortunately, one could only do so via a guided tour through the Garden. Plan change-- we hailed a taxi instead... and discovered that the driver had no idea where he was going or could barely understand what we were trying to convey. He asked for our destination at least four times, and each previous time seemed to remember the information incorrectly. We ended up riding down the hill to downtown and then up the hill to somewhere that he was sure was where we said we wanted to go. It was a very strange experience to be pointed to a place that's obviously not where we said we wanted to go and being refuted over and over again that, yes, in fact, that was the place. I finally said, NO IT'S REALLY NOT. WHAT SHOULD WE PAY YOU TO JUST LEAVE US ALONE? as we got out of the cab and waited for him to leave. The thing is, he had not turned on the cab meter, so he said, "What do you want to pay me for driving you all over the city?"
Like, WHAT.
Anyway, we ended up paying him the price he named, even though I think we were supposed to haggle a bit but I was too disgusted to care by then. And, 45 minutes later, we found another 100% more competent cab driver to take us to the Messianic congregation after we got a map that shows explicit directions from a hotel we stumbled upon. I am very grateful that our son was pretty calm and quiet through all this traveling, despite the heat and going in and out of his stroller. We actually made it to service fairly on time (five minutes late).
The service was interesting... I really appreciated being able to worship with other believers. The congregation consists of Hebrew, Russian, and English speakers. So everything was in Hebrew, and Russian and English speakers get earpieces that we can hear instantaneous translations from the professional translators sitting in the back. Kind of like worshiping at the U.N. I'm starting to discern some Hebrew alphabets via the hymns we sang, and I really hope I'll be able to learn a lot more Hebrew while I'm here. I'd been lazy about picking this language up since a lot of people assured us that most Israelis speak English, but I'm discovering that a lot of them don't speak it very well, or don't like to speak it. And 90% of street signs are only in Hebrew, which really drove home to me a feeling of being shut out literacy-wise. I've never felt so disconnected with words, which is usually my one lifeline. I wasn't that intimidated while traveling in Japan, since I've studied Japanese, simplified characters in China were fairly easy to adapt to, and most European languages are honestly not that daunting. This is an entirely different story, with a completely foreign script.
I don't know if we will stick with going to this congregation. We met some nice people, but that's always the case when going to a new church. Somehow, I'm having a hard time shaking this stale feeling of "here we go again." I must confess that I'm afraid... I'm afraid I'll be as unhappy here as I was in China, that maybe I'm just an unhappy person no matter where I go. So of course nobody will want to be friends with me.
Somehow I feel like I've failed so many times in the past to fit into a new place, to build a life in which I feel truly purposeful. And throwing a tantrum-prone toddler and another impending birth into the mix basically finishes off any shred of optimism and self-confidence left for me.
Well, we'll see what happens. Day by day.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
we're here
Impressions so far:
- EL AL Israel Airline is kind of ridiculous about how they handle infant car seats.
- I have never been on a plane with so many children. I have also never been so glad that Daniel spent US$300 to buy a noise-cancellation headphone that I used to block out all the crying children and airplane droning.
- Kosher airplane food is delicious.
- Jet lag seriously takes days from my life. I'm tired of traveling such long distances.
- Cheeses in Israel tend to be white, tastes differently from the ones found in the US, goes really well with sliced raw cucumbers for breakfast, and are also delicious.
- The ultra-orthodox Jews who favor riding on EL AL Airline are kind of rude and pushy...
- Apparently there's a lot of tension between the religious Jews and the secular and Messianic Jews. I have to say, given all the stories I heard from Kirsten, the friend of a friend who welcomed us to Haifa with open arms and her and her husband's apartment at 3:30 in the morning, I'm on the latter's side. There're some horrendous things being done in the name of rabbinical studies.
- Israeli grandmothers who kept chattering to me in Hebrew and then feed my son alongside their grandchildren are adorable.
- I should really learn Hebrew so that I can at least read bus information and simple conversation with other playground caretakers.
- Haifa's just as hot as Taiwan during the summer, except the former has much cooler breeze due to the Mediterranean.
- This everything closing down for Sabbath and then working on Sunday may take some additional adjustment for me. Kirsten's so kind to do some grocery shopping for us so that we'll have things to cook over the weekend.
I hope Daniel's research will go really well here, and that our little family may thrive.
- EL AL Israel Airline is kind of ridiculous about how they handle infant car seats.
- I have never been on a plane with so many children. I have also never been so glad that Daniel spent US$300 to buy a noise-cancellation headphone that I used to block out all the crying children and airplane droning.
- Kosher airplane food is delicious.
- Jet lag seriously takes days from my life. I'm tired of traveling such long distances.
- Cheeses in Israel tend to be white, tastes differently from the ones found in the US, goes really well with sliced raw cucumbers for breakfast, and are also delicious.
- The ultra-orthodox Jews who favor riding on EL AL Airline are kind of rude and pushy...
- Apparently there's a lot of tension between the religious Jews and the secular and Messianic Jews. I have to say, given all the stories I heard from Kirsten, the friend of a friend who welcomed us to Haifa with open arms and her and her husband's apartment at 3:30 in the morning, I'm on the latter's side. There're some horrendous things being done in the name of rabbinical studies.
- Israeli grandmothers who kept chattering to me in Hebrew and then feed my son alongside their grandchildren are adorable.
- I should really learn Hebrew so that I can at least read bus information and simple conversation with other playground caretakers.
- Haifa's just as hot as Taiwan during the summer, except the former has much cooler breeze due to the Mediterranean.
- This everything closing down for Sabbath and then working on Sunday may take some additional adjustment for me. Kirsten's so kind to do some grocery shopping for us so that we'll have things to cook over the weekend.
I hope Daniel's research will go really well here, and that our little family may thrive.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
final (most likely...not having writing mojo lately) reflection on taipei/hsinchu trip
Since I'm feeling lazy, let's do this in numbered form:
1. Taipei has delicious food everywhere. My most favorite place to eat while there - Din Tai Fung. I almost feel a pang of "poor you" feeling towards all who have not been able to experience this wonderland of the most delicately-skinned, richly-brothed, Shanghai dumplings served by one of the most courteous waitstaff in the world. Speaking of Shanghai, I found one of Din Tai Fung's international stores in this huge made-for-rich-people mall while in Shanghai. This was shortly after I was recovering from my most recent and worst case of food poisoning ever, and Din Tai Fung's shrimp fried rice turned out to be the only thing I could stomach for the remaining five days of that visit. The Taipei store, where this wonderful franchise first began, is still the best one to visit for dumplings that I could always eat more of.
2. The north is where to be during summertime in Taiwan. Because the south is mercilessly hot. Taipei was even breezy and cool enough at night that I actually wanted to go cruise the night markets rather than hunker down in the A/C-ed hotel room. And the typhoon that recently came and went? Didn't touch Kaohsiung whatsoever. I kind of like being in the heart of the drama (provided I had a safe shelter to observe all the mayhem of the flooding and crashing tree branches), so the cabin fever and lack of proper food we had to experience for one day was worth it.
3. Hsinchu is a surprisingly pleasant city to live in. Ok, its food is not so great. In fact, vastly subpar compared to the usual fare found in Kaohsiung and Taipei (and apparently other Taiwanese cities as well). However, it has a zoo that was founded in 1936, lots of great schools and science parks, the biggest mall on the island, and a well-structured city layout that makes riding the bus to get around quite manageable.
Uh oh, the toddler's home with his dad and he's crying for me. Time to go.
1. Taipei has delicious food everywhere. My most favorite place to eat while there - Din Tai Fung. I almost feel a pang of "poor you" feeling towards all who have not been able to experience this wonderland of the most delicately-skinned, richly-brothed, Shanghai dumplings served by one of the most courteous waitstaff in the world. Speaking of Shanghai, I found one of Din Tai Fung's international stores in this huge made-for-rich-people mall while in Shanghai. This was shortly after I was recovering from my most recent and worst case of food poisoning ever, and Din Tai Fung's shrimp fried rice turned out to be the only thing I could stomach for the remaining five days of that visit. The Taipei store, where this wonderful franchise first began, is still the best one to visit for dumplings that I could always eat more of.
2. The north is where to be during summertime in Taiwan. Because the south is mercilessly hot. Taipei was even breezy and cool enough at night that I actually wanted to go cruise the night markets rather than hunker down in the A/C-ed hotel room. And the typhoon that recently came and went? Didn't touch Kaohsiung whatsoever. I kind of like being in the heart of the drama (provided I had a safe shelter to observe all the mayhem of the flooding and crashing tree branches), so the cabin fever and lack of proper food we had to experience for one day was worth it.
3. Hsinchu is a surprisingly pleasant city to live in. Ok, its food is not so great. In fact, vastly subpar compared to the usual fare found in Kaohsiung and Taipei (and apparently other Taiwanese cities as well). However, it has a zoo that was founded in 1936, lots of great schools and science parks, the biggest mall on the island, and a well-structured city layout that makes riding the bus to get around quite manageable.
Uh oh, the toddler's home with his dad and he's crying for me. Time to go.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
brief update in hsinchu, take one
Currently stuck in the dorm at the university in Hsinchu that Daniel's giving talks at this week. The typhoon that's brushing by Taiwan (projected to leave by tonight) has currently shut down the city. Declan woke up at 6am all tired and cranky and finally got lulled to sleep by Daniel's and my boring discussion about the recent Chick-fil-A bugaboo. He was extra tired from not being able to nap yesterday because people were hammering boards around the stores downstairs in preparation to shield their windows from the incoming storm. Turns out the wind ripped the boards apart and there are wood chips everywhere downstairs this morning when we ventured out to get breakfast for our demanding toddler. Daniel left for the office amidst the violent rain and wind because his officemate out-testeroned him by actually biking in from the latter's studio apartment about 15 minutes from campus.
So. The highlights of the trip to Taipei and now Hsinchu have definitely been about being able to meet up with family and old friends. In Taipei, I had dinner with my friend Yvonne, who I last physically saw in 2004 when we celebrated our undergraduate graduation together. We met up at a metro stop and walked together to the Hakka restaurant (really, a small eatery converted from a traditional Taiwanese-style house). The food was excellent and Declan ended up playing with the owner's two daughters in the part of the restaurant that the family lives in so that we adults got a chance to talk and catch up without Declan doing bodily harm to either himself or innocent dinner-eaters. Yvonne hasn't changed at all, from my perspective. She's still very cute, seemingly innocent yet quite mischievous (at one point, Daniel said one of the dishes was particularly good and Yvonne tried to trick him into believing it's rat meat.). Perhaps she seems a bit more mature now, with what sounds like a fairly regimented job that demands a lot of time. I envy being able to go to work, while she said that she had wanted to simply get married and stay home to mind the children. Funny how our places are completely switched, and both of us have to adjust our expectations to suit the other's desired kind of life.
In Hsinchu, I had lunch with my friend Deb and her husband. The last time I saw Deb was at her undergraduate graduation, in 2003. Yep, nine years ago. Deb has changed a lot physically in how I remembered her, although in all other ways, she remains the same. She seems a lot frailer now than in college, as in Taiwanese girl-thin. She's pregnant and expected to be due three weeks before me. However, my arms are literally like twice the size of hers. I feel like a water buffalo next to her. She works at the same place as her husband, and expects to return to work after taking a two-months-long maternity leave. I think she's one of the most capable women I have ever met, and she's certainly been one of my role models in being confident while in college, and now.
Also, it was really special for me to be able to introduce Declan to my grandparents, who are in their late 80s, and witness my grandmother making Declan giggle by sneak-tickling his armpits.
I am reaffirmed in my absolute requirement for whatever city we live in long-term to have a good public transportation system. Taipei's metro system is a dream. Hsinchu's bus system is decent, given its concentration of sites to see in the city center. Without these trains and buses, I am lost and made desperate by boring time with a hyperactive child.
Declan's been going through this phase (I hope it's a phase) where he absolutely refuses to let me help him with things. Like walking up or down steep flights of stairs, or sitting on the adult toilet, or getting dressed. Results vary from our yelling at each other in frustration to him falling (into the toilet, for example) and getting lots of scratches. It's super annoying listening to a toddler yelling "OWWWW" constantly while pointing to his self-inflicted wounds. At one point, I told him he deserved the pain. I know. What a horrible mother.
Oh no. The construction people are starting to get back to their drilling. Please, nooooo, spare my child. Spare my sanity.
So. The highlights of the trip to Taipei and now Hsinchu have definitely been about being able to meet up with family and old friends. In Taipei, I had dinner with my friend Yvonne, who I last physically saw in 2004 when we celebrated our undergraduate graduation together. We met up at a metro stop and walked together to the Hakka restaurant (really, a small eatery converted from a traditional Taiwanese-style house). The food was excellent and Declan ended up playing with the owner's two daughters in the part of the restaurant that the family lives in so that we adults got a chance to talk and catch up without Declan doing bodily harm to either himself or innocent dinner-eaters. Yvonne hasn't changed at all, from my perspective. She's still very cute, seemingly innocent yet quite mischievous (at one point, Daniel said one of the dishes was particularly good and Yvonne tried to trick him into believing it's rat meat.). Perhaps she seems a bit more mature now, with what sounds like a fairly regimented job that demands a lot of time. I envy being able to go to work, while she said that she had wanted to simply get married and stay home to mind the children. Funny how our places are completely switched, and both of us have to adjust our expectations to suit the other's desired kind of life.
In Hsinchu, I had lunch with my friend Deb and her husband. The last time I saw Deb was at her undergraduate graduation, in 2003. Yep, nine years ago. Deb has changed a lot physically in how I remembered her, although in all other ways, she remains the same. She seems a lot frailer now than in college, as in Taiwanese girl-thin. She's pregnant and expected to be due three weeks before me. However, my arms are literally like twice the size of hers. I feel like a water buffalo next to her. She works at the same place as her husband, and expects to return to work after taking a two-months-long maternity leave. I think she's one of the most capable women I have ever met, and she's certainly been one of my role models in being confident while in college, and now.
Also, it was really special for me to be able to introduce Declan to my grandparents, who are in their late 80s, and witness my grandmother making Declan giggle by sneak-tickling his armpits.
I am reaffirmed in my absolute requirement for whatever city we live in long-term to have a good public transportation system. Taipei's metro system is a dream. Hsinchu's bus system is decent, given its concentration of sites to see in the city center. Without these trains and buses, I am lost and made desperate by boring time with a hyperactive child.
Declan's been going through this phase (I hope it's a phase) where he absolutely refuses to let me help him with things. Like walking up or down steep flights of stairs, or sitting on the adult toilet, or getting dressed. Results vary from our yelling at each other in frustration to him falling (into the toilet, for example) and getting lots of scratches. It's super annoying listening to a toddler yelling "OWWWW" constantly while pointing to his self-inflicted wounds. At one point, I told him he deserved the pain. I know. What a horrible mother.
Oh no. The construction people are starting to get back to their drilling. Please, nooooo, spare my child. Spare my sanity.
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