and i'm back (for now)

Last day of June. Wow. This month flew by. Well, kind of. I got really sick during this month several times, including a bout of most likely food poisoning just a few days after our recent return from the whirlwind conferences in Europe. When I was writhing in a horizontal position wherever that might be in our apartment, with a toddler by my side yanking on my arm and yelling, "Get up, Mommy, pleeeeeease!" and a baby that suddenly wanted to nurse all. the. time. Even when asleep. ...the days seemed a lot longer then.

Still, here we are, and I have some major backlog of events to chronicle. Firstly, a shout-out to Emily for meeting up in Paris on such short notice, and for bringing along her lovely husband as well as the potent cheeses and delicious wine, as well as escorting us around the Luxembourg Park. As well as sharing interesting stories about herself and her husband. It was stupendously nice to better know someone I'd previously only corresponded with via the Internet. And she even gave me a book as a totally unexpected present. How did she know I love books?

So hopefully I'll be able to catch up on things this week, and enliven this blog with more real-time action. After I catch up on all the chores that languished as my body warred with whatever bacterium or virus that was trying to colonize it. We are also moving out of our current apartment for good at the end of July, right before we fly to Taiwan for a mix of business and family visits. The apartment we thought we'll move into after we return to Israel for the next school year just fell through as an option, as its landlord has decided to convert it into two studios in hopes of reeling in more rent money from university students who mostly just need to a place to sleep.

Ah well. Will write more later.

 Back from the intermittent train rides through Europe. 

I love trains rides through Europe. Or train rides, period. 

Looking forward to doing it again someday 

(not too soon, but not too much later) with the family.

virus

Apparently there's something going around in the Middle East, according to Daniel's mom. Whatever it is felt a whole lot like malaria to me. Which is not impossible, since malaria can be caused by eggs of infected mosquitos in Southern China--eggs that can live inside a person for up to 20 years before they hatch and cause havoc. I alternated between uncontrollable shivering and feeling like I would never be warm again ever to wanting to throw myself into the icy waters of Siberia. Declan came back from gan yesterday afternoon, gave me a hug, and pulled away, exclaiming, "Oh! You're hot!"

The next time I get mad at Daniel, I must remember how he took care of me and bore the brunt of Declan's demanding-ness all yesterday. I also appreciated what a mild-mannered baby Petra is, who mostly kicked and coo-ed in bed as I lied dying next to her.

And of course now's the time when I suddenly get three editing gigs, and have two tutoring sessions today (postponed to tomorrow). I managed to complete one of the editing assignment just now. Whew. Load off my mind. Awaiting the two others, which will probably overlap with our trip to Lausanne-Paris-Milan.

During the throes of my agony, I wondered why I even bother to keep one toe dipped in the professional world with petty endeavors like the above. Wouldn't it be enough for me to keep the home clean, the kids taken care of, the meals made, as long as everyone is healthy?

I still wonder, even as I feel a bit better today.

at a loss of resolve

Is it more important to be as highly "qualified" as one could be in order to have the option of accessing as many venues as possible?

Or is it more important to be "on the ground" and gauge the pulse of society and culture in that way?

The first option would mean more time in exile, so to speak. But perhaps with a greater impact later. The "perhaps" is a big concern, because I've seen, time and time again, how friends who went into law or medicine with an intent to advocate for the disenfranchised later turn into corporate representatives and reach for the medical system's acclaims instead. I used to be a lot more judgmental of their evolution, but I see now how easily one's M.O. can change with time, family persuasions, financial concerns, and priorities regarding the future. And who's to say they are not still biding their time until they do what they originally planned to do?

Still, I don't want to end up dying at, say, age 40 and realize that I should have gotten started on my heart's desires a lot sooner.

On the other hand, maybe there are merits to the second option that I am overlooking which would tip the scale irrevocably in its favor.

I feel ambivalent about the choices facing me. It reminds me of when I would patrol the night markets in Taiwan and be so overwhelmed with the possibilities that I end up going home, empty-bellied.

Father God, please give me and my family clarity, wisdom, insight, and guidance.