In a few hours (six hours to be exact), I would have been in charge of the kids solo for exactly a week. This sounds like a paltry amount of time, but it's a pretty big milestone for me. I've done this for six days in Seattle when I was two months pregnant and Declan was a little over 1.5 years old. Just one kid and I had the local YMCA which provides free childcare in the mornings, as well as Christy popping by to hang out on weeknights. I've also done this for five days in Kaohsiung when Declan was two and Petra was six months old. However, that time my mom had came by the apartment in the afternoon sometimes to help divert Declan, so I didn't feel completely alone.
There's been a couple of times, like tonight, when I seriously wanted to do bodily harm to Declan for his behavior. I'm starting to suspect that he's really angry about his dad not being around, and he's taking it out on me by contradicting my statements, ignoring my direct instructions to not do something, and criticizing a lot of things I'm doing (such as telling me that the food I gave him "tastes like crap"). It's like I'm already dealing with an American teenager in my household. Good grief.
There's also been a surprising amount of time when I felt at ease, enjoying my kids' company. Even tonight, there were flashes of priceless moments like when Declan flashed a cute face/hand gesture that he must have picked up from kindergarten, and Petra tried to copy him but couldn't master the wink so she has both eyes closed tightly as she grinned like him. Declan and I laughed together at that, and Declan showed me another hand gesture--a jaunty salute. He also pointed out to me as I was picking him up today his calisthenics teacher, "Mr. Alligator." His teacher had already passed by us, but overheard Declan talking about him and turned back to wave to us. Declan described all the fun activities Mr. Alligator leads the students in, as well as all the toys he gives them to play with. I said, "You really like his class, huh, Declan?" And Declan replied, "He doesn't have classes! We just play next to my classroom!"
So, on Saturday, the kids lounged around at home watching morning cartoons (don't judge me) while I cleaned around the apartment. Then we took a church-organized bus to a nearby wildlife refuge and picked up trash along the beachfront. Declan used tongs and everything. Then we had a BBQ by the beach after we dropped off the trash bags. Then Declan peed his pants because he was having too much fun and forgot until it was too late. Petra also had a good time sliding down the sand.
On Sunday, I biked with the kids (back carrying Petra with the Ergo, Declan in the child seat--just like every day to and back from his school) to church. Afternoon nap time was a struggle. I don't really remember what happened the rest of the afternoon/night.
On Monday, school drop off and pick up and then, after dinner, we went for a stroll around campus/Declan on his tricycle. One of the dishes at dinner was chicken soup that a friend from church had made and dropped off at my place on Saturday. Her middle school-aged son also gave Declan a toy train, which Declan partially broken within the first 10 seconds of playing.
On Tuesday, I attended women's bible study at my local church and had lots of food for thought apart from childcare matters so that was a really nice change/addition. Then I dropped off Petra's ROC passport application and related documents to a travel agency. After diner, I unpacked all the boxes that've arrived from Israel while the kids played with the emptied out boxes. One of the dishes at dinner was some salted chicken which the pastor of my local church gave to me after service on Sunday. The kids loved it, but I suspect that's the cause of Petra's current light diarrhea (not health-threatening, but a hassle to live with). The chicken was pretty oily. (And, yes, I've given up on being vegan all the time now that I live in Taiwan. It seems, however, that my Israel-induced aversion to pork and general hesitation towards all meats is a fairly permanent thing.)
On Wednesday, a neighbor volunteered to watch Petra so I could go for a run, so I kind of overdid it and ran a little over 7 kilometers before I restrained myself from abusing my neighbor's kindness. It felt so good to have that freedom to do something I love and don't want to stop loving (which would happen when I don't do it enough, and then transition time is needed to re-love it again). Declan had wanted a particular toy from the McDonald's "Happy Meal" that he saw during Monday's post-dinner outing, so on this night, we had Happy Meal takeouts and watched "101 Dalmations" on Youtube. Declan's verdict is that it was a bad movie because the puppies got stolen. He told me I made a poor choice in showing him that movie. I ended up eating most of the McDonald's and the kids ate almost nothing.
Today (Thursday), I babysat my aforementioned neighbor's one-year-old daughter, who is three months younger than Petra. Petra and the girl played in the morning while my neighbor rode her moped to a nearby city for baking supplies. (The city, Zhubei, is a fairly new settlement that's popular with expats, so naturally it has more Western/Westernized resources.) She gave me three cupcakes in a pretty box when she picked up her daughter. I was pretty much along with the kids for the rest of the day, minus the shallow pleasantries at Declan's school during pickup time. Petra failed to take her afternoon nap, and she's still pooping all over the place.
Tomorrow, I plan to take the kids via a free shuttle after school to a playspace for which I'd bought some reduced entrance fee certificates. It'll be more all right if they go to bed later and wake up later. It being a Friday, just psychologically, I feel lighter and more cheerful about the coming day.
Daniel returns after the kids (hopefully) go to bed on the last Sunday of this month. A little over another week. May I (and the children) survive unscathed.
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
putting money where our mouths are
One of Declan's classmates that he regularly plays with after school is the grandson of one of the kitchen workers at their school. As I was chatting with her (the grandmother of Declan's classmate) this afternoon, another mother came up to ask her about this month's lunch and snack items to make sure which dishes have meat--in which case, she would cook an alternative dish to bring into school with her child that day.
I was pretty amazed by this mother's dedication. There's one kindergarten I came upon during my research for a school which strictly serves vegetarian. I found that really appealing, but it's on the high end of private school tuitions. I wonder if that mother knows about that kindergarten but was also turned off by the monetary cost.
Gave me extra motivation to return to cooking every day for the family again. For the first month of our arrival and several days each week since then, the university dining hall has been the main food source to our daily routine because (1) our apartment has only a communal kitchen down the hall which makes it a bit inconvenient to cook and clean, and (2) the dining hall is more convenient and relatively cheap. But now that I've started ordering organic local produce again from a startup organization that wants to return more power and profits to aborigines farmers, I want to return to knowing where our ingredients are coming from and how much seasoning (and what kind of seasoning) is being added.
Organic produce in Taiwan is more along the lines of in the US--a lot more expensive than convention products one can buy in the traditional markets. (In Israel, organic produce is only marginally more expensive than in the souks.) And I was torn for a few days over finding an egg source that is about NT$5/egg with a good reputation--but sadly, I found a youtube interview with the farmer that clearly shows the farm uses battery-cage chickens. So now I'm back to paying NT$9/egg for certified free range organic eggs.
Certainly if my mom were to find out, this would not help her impression of me as an extravagant spendthrift, but how the family as consumers inadvertently support, for better or worse, the workers and animal living conditions behind the food industry matters to me... I just hope all this extra money spent won't be completely futile.
I was pretty amazed by this mother's dedication. There's one kindergarten I came upon during my research for a school which strictly serves vegetarian. I found that really appealing, but it's on the high end of private school tuitions. I wonder if that mother knows about that kindergarten but was also turned off by the monetary cost.
Gave me extra motivation to return to cooking every day for the family again. For the first month of our arrival and several days each week since then, the university dining hall has been the main food source to our daily routine because (1) our apartment has only a communal kitchen down the hall which makes it a bit inconvenient to cook and clean, and (2) the dining hall is more convenient and relatively cheap. But now that I've started ordering organic local produce again from a startup organization that wants to return more power and profits to aborigines farmers, I want to return to knowing where our ingredients are coming from and how much seasoning (and what kind of seasoning) is being added.
Organic produce in Taiwan is more along the lines of in the US--a lot more expensive than convention products one can buy in the traditional markets. (In Israel, organic produce is only marginally more expensive than in the souks.) And I was torn for a few days over finding an egg source that is about NT$5/egg with a good reputation--but sadly, I found a youtube interview with the farmer that clearly shows the farm uses battery-cage chickens. So now I'm back to paying NT$9/egg for certified free range organic eggs.
Certainly if my mom were to find out, this would not help her impression of me as an extravagant spendthrift, but how the family as consumers inadvertently support, for better or worse, the workers and animal living conditions behind the food industry matters to me... I just hope all this extra money spent won't be completely futile.
Monday, October 27, 2014
one small step towards being (more) settled
Today's big task for me was moving my (and the kids') household registration from Kaohsiung to Hsinchu. As of 11:30am today, Declan, Petra, and I are "Hsinchu people". Once Daniel's ARC status finally becomes a reality (oh please God), I will return to the government division to add him to our registered Hsinchu household.
I felt really empowered to successfully handle a matter so apparently steeped in bureaucracy. Fortunately, there were several personal blogs I found that detail some private, average citizens' own experiences with this matter. I even found a template for a letter of agreement in which Daniel can sign me as proxy so that he didn't need to take time off work (which apparently was really, really productive today).
Aside from a detour I had to make to the immigration office to correct a clerical error on Petra's residence card, everything was handled conveniently and fairly efficiently in one place--including part one of Petra's Republic of China passport application. The next step is getting to a travel agency near the university to complete the passport acquisition process, and also contacting the Ministry of Health so that Petra will also be covered by the national health insurance. I need to start catching her up on vaccinations that she must have in order to enroll two years from now into Declan's current school.
Also, the coveted Hsinchu citizen card is now accessible to me. With this card, which requires household registration in this city, I'll be able to take the kids to every city museum for free (instead of paying the usual ~NT$20 dollars--hey, that's more than one city bus ride/a load of laundry wash at our apartment). There had also been a couple of city library events in which people with household registration in this city get to receive goody bags (the last event included two free children's books and a free bag)--super excited about that too.
Yes, yes, we'll probably need to start paying more taxes due to Petra's health insurance. But this also means I'll get to vote during the general elections on 29 November without needing to trek south to Kaohsiung. The pros to our registration move are still sweeter.
And with the experience of tackling this initially daunting government-ese/task under my belt, I feel just a bit more closer to home and self-assured in my daily life here so that I didn't feel too bad about filling out another government document--this time for Declan's school regarding some upcoming nation-wide physical evaluations--and messing that up so badly that I needed a brand new copy to re-do everything. Small steps, small steps...
I felt really empowered to successfully handle a matter so apparently steeped in bureaucracy. Fortunately, there were several personal blogs I found that detail some private, average citizens' own experiences with this matter. I even found a template for a letter of agreement in which Daniel can sign me as proxy so that he didn't need to take time off work (which apparently was really, really productive today).
Aside from a detour I had to make to the immigration office to correct a clerical error on Petra's residence card, everything was handled conveniently and fairly efficiently in one place--including part one of Petra's Republic of China passport application. The next step is getting to a travel agency near the university to complete the passport acquisition process, and also contacting the Ministry of Health so that Petra will also be covered by the national health insurance. I need to start catching her up on vaccinations that she must have in order to enroll two years from now into Declan's current school.
Also, the coveted Hsinchu citizen card is now accessible to me. With this card, which requires household registration in this city, I'll be able to take the kids to every city museum for free (instead of paying the usual ~NT$20 dollars--hey, that's more than one city bus ride/a load of laundry wash at our apartment). There had also been a couple of city library events in which people with household registration in this city get to receive goody bags (the last event included two free children's books and a free bag)--super excited about that too.
Yes, yes, we'll probably need to start paying more taxes due to Petra's health insurance. But this also means I'll get to vote during the general elections on 29 November without needing to trek south to Kaohsiung. The pros to our registration move are still sweeter.
And with the experience of tackling this initially daunting government-ese/task under my belt, I feel just a bit more closer to home and self-assured in my daily life here so that I didn't feel too bad about filling out another government document--this time for Declan's school regarding some upcoming nation-wide physical evaluations--and messing that up so badly that I needed a brand new copy to re-do everything. Small steps, small steps...
Saturday, October 25, 2014
catching up with reporting about life
Wow, it's almost the end of October and I haven't blogged once since the start of last month. That's almost a full two-months-long absence. No faithful reader voiced any complaints though, but I'll like to keep this going for posterity's sake. Petra's napping right now, but a strange elephantine groaning just started outside our building, so whatever I write right now will have to be quick.
Lots of things have happened. Such as...
1. A friend from Israel came to visit for the last two weeks of September, acting essentially as a guinea pig for all future visitors since I was (am) still fairly unfamiliar with this area myself, plus I had (have) a family of foreigners who were (are) still coping from culture and various other sorts of shock. Emily was a pretty good sport and after having checked out the notable features of this particular city (Eighteen Peaks Mountain, the old East Gate, the City God Temple, Declan's kindergarten...), she arranged a week in Taipei with some family friends.
I eventually got better at this hosting thing and took her south to Kaohsiung, which is a city I'm far more familiar with and from there on, I learned that there are actually a lot of private citizen-bloggers who do a pretty good job of introducing more off-the-beaten-path sites worthy of visiting all around Taiwan. One of them was some mud volcanoes in the town of Yanchou, which is also famous for its guava. I was secretly impressed by myself for finding a way to get us there without a car. (We got there via a train ride to Nanzi station, then public bus #7 to Kaohsiung Normal University's Yanchou campus, then a 20-minute walk from the school's back gate to the mud volcano nature reserve and surrounding mountains.)
Emily also eventually visited Tainan before heading back to Israel with a stop in California. She saw killer bees, macaque monkeys, and packs of semi-feral dogs. I also introduced her to stinky tofu, octopus balls, and other Taiwanese "small eats". Hopefully, the good memories from this visit will only age like vintage wine, and she'll forget about the few times I snapped at her the way I snapped at everyone around me when the kids were running wild. I was mortified and then really glad that she brought up how much it bothered her. It was a huge wake-up call for me to examine how I deal with the stresses of raising the kids. No excuses for bad behavior.
2. Somewhere down the road, I decided I needed to start spending some serious quiet time every day with God, and to make that a priority. I pledged, for one week, to wake up earlier to read the Bible and pray, which also meant that I have had to stop going to bed at 2am or 3am. So now I go to bed around 11pm and wake around 6:40am, and I also started alternating between running or swimming for 30 minutes after the intentional time with God and before I must start the day of child-caring and home-running. It's been about two weeks now, and I really appreciate this routine. I'm really going to miss it when Daniel goes to Italy for two weeks next month and I won't be able to run or swim for that period of time since otherwise there won't be anyone watching the kids while I'm gone. Sigh.
3. I was finally able to visit prisoners at the Taipei Detention Center. For a few weeks now, I've heard about the work of the Taiwan Foreign Inmates Caring Association by a missionary that partners with them. At this point, I'm far more familiar with the prison system in the US than in my home country since I've actually worked for two semesters with lifers at men's maximum security prisons in the US. As for Taiwan, the still very great rigidity of the social classes meant that my family's circles rarely came into contact or hears about those who end up in prison and their conditions. The day of the visit, I almost begged off by using taking care of Petra and needing to pick up Declan as an excuse because I was nervous and unsure about what to expect. The fact that most of the workers who care for the foreign inmates long-term have expressed so much criticism and disgust at my government also made me uneasy. Daniel insisted that I go, however, and arrangements were made for Petra's nap time and Declan's pick up. What took place at prison deserves its own blog entry; suffice it to say I'm so glad I went and I long for another chance to go, and perhaps go consistently. There is no doubt in my mind that the people in prison, no matter what they've done, need compassion too.
I've been Facebook-free for over two months now, and I love not partaking of this social media anymore. There are lots of loonies on Google+ as well, but somehow I'm not as bothered since it's not all that popular with my circle of friends. I think I would still have been better friends with a lot of people I know if I hadn't been exposed to things and thoughts they've shared on Facebook, and that probably goes both ways. Which is really sad.
Life is such a changeling thing. From one angle, it all seems so important and significant; from another angle, it's all completely fleeting and interchangeable. Yet both perspectives are true. How strange.
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Lots of things have happened. Such as...
1. A friend from Israel came to visit for the last two weeks of September, acting essentially as a guinea pig for all future visitors since I was (am) still fairly unfamiliar with this area myself, plus I had (have) a family of foreigners who were (are) still coping from culture and various other sorts of shock. Emily was a pretty good sport and after having checked out the notable features of this particular city (Eighteen Peaks Mountain, the old East Gate, the City God Temple, Declan's kindergarten...), she arranged a week in Taipei with some family friends.
I eventually got better at this hosting thing and took her south to Kaohsiung, which is a city I'm far more familiar with and from there on, I learned that there are actually a lot of private citizen-bloggers who do a pretty good job of introducing more off-the-beaten-path sites worthy of visiting all around Taiwan. One of them was some mud volcanoes in the town of Yanchou, which is also famous for its guava. I was secretly impressed by myself for finding a way to get us there without a car. (We got there via a train ride to Nanzi station, then public bus #7 to Kaohsiung Normal University's Yanchou campus, then a 20-minute walk from the school's back gate to the mud volcano nature reserve and surrounding mountains.)
Emily also eventually visited Tainan before heading back to Israel with a stop in California. She saw killer bees, macaque monkeys, and packs of semi-feral dogs. I also introduced her to stinky tofu, octopus balls, and other Taiwanese "small eats". Hopefully, the good memories from this visit will only age like vintage wine, and she'll forget about the few times I snapped at her the way I snapped at everyone around me when the kids were running wild. I was mortified and then really glad that she brought up how much it bothered her. It was a huge wake-up call for me to examine how I deal with the stresses of raising the kids. No excuses for bad behavior.
2. Somewhere down the road, I decided I needed to start spending some serious quiet time every day with God, and to make that a priority. I pledged, for one week, to wake up earlier to read the Bible and pray, which also meant that I have had to stop going to bed at 2am or 3am. So now I go to bed around 11pm and wake around 6:40am, and I also started alternating between running or swimming for 30 minutes after the intentional time with God and before I must start the day of child-caring and home-running. It's been about two weeks now, and I really appreciate this routine. I'm really going to miss it when Daniel goes to Italy for two weeks next month and I won't be able to run or swim for that period of time since otherwise there won't be anyone watching the kids while I'm gone. Sigh.
3. I was finally able to visit prisoners at the Taipei Detention Center. For a few weeks now, I've heard about the work of the Taiwan Foreign Inmates Caring Association by a missionary that partners with them. At this point, I'm far more familiar with the prison system in the US than in my home country since I've actually worked for two semesters with lifers at men's maximum security prisons in the US. As for Taiwan, the still very great rigidity of the social classes meant that my family's circles rarely came into contact or hears about those who end up in prison and their conditions. The day of the visit, I almost begged off by using taking care of Petra and needing to pick up Declan as an excuse because I was nervous and unsure about what to expect. The fact that most of the workers who care for the foreign inmates long-term have expressed so much criticism and disgust at my government also made me uneasy. Daniel insisted that I go, however, and arrangements were made for Petra's nap time and Declan's pick up. What took place at prison deserves its own blog entry; suffice it to say I'm so glad I went and I long for another chance to go, and perhaps go consistently. There is no doubt in my mind that the people in prison, no matter what they've done, need compassion too.
I've been Facebook-free for over two months now, and I love not partaking of this social media anymore. There are lots of loonies on Google+ as well, but somehow I'm not as bothered since it's not all that popular with my circle of friends. I think I would still have been better friends with a lot of people I know if I hadn't been exposed to things and thoughts they've shared on Facebook, and that probably goes both ways. Which is really sad.
Life is such a changeling thing. From one angle, it all seems so important and significant; from another angle, it's all completely fleeting and interchangeable. Yet both perspectives are true. How strange.
My family, nuclear and otherwise
Saturday, September 6, 2014
well hello there
Meet the Lafree EA-601, my primary mode of transportation for trekking to and from Declan's school as of yesterday.
I am tres belle.
It has literally halved my commute time from forty minutes of sweaty stroller pushing to less than twenty minutes of power assisted pedaling. Declan is also much taken with it. Petra refused to get out of the child seat I'd installed on the back.
My initial plan had been to get a moped, like the Vespa I bought with my first (and some of my second) paycheck of my first post-college job. That companion now belongs to my aunt since seven years ago. But then I heard a sermon in which the speaker said that the world's top spending goes to (1) weapons, (2) drugs, and (3) petroleum. For some reason, that made me want to avoid petrol consumption as much as possible, so an electric moped became of interest. Besides, the electric route would mean I don't need to update my license and I get NT$3,000 subsidy from the Taiwan EPA.
Alas, I then found out that the electric moped I had my eyes on does not have a detachable battery. Or rather it does, but the battery is incredibly heavy to remove for charging portably. "Much too heavy, especially for a girl." The salesperson said. That got me rolling my eyes and saying offhandedly that I can handle it. Unfortunately, an attempt to pick it up indicated he's correct--but still not because I happen to be a girl. I wouldn't want to subject Daniel to being that battery carrier either.
Then, right as I was resigning myself to an uglier e-moped with a much lighter detachable battery, the salesperson reminded me that mopeds are prohibited within college campuses. Which just won't do since I live on campus.
So that is how I ended up with an electric bicycle. And all the benefits I'd already mentioned.
I'm going to call it Liel.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
first day of school!
Oy, I'm exhausted.
But I am perfectly happy to be this exhausted if everyday is like today with Declan. I had been a little anxious about Declan's first day at a new school environment in yet another foreign (to him) country. His teacher's multiply-expressed concern about whether he'll be comfortable in an all-Chinese class didn't assuage my own wondering on that count.
So I prayed before bedtime yesterday, and this morning before I pushed him in the stroller while back-carrying Petra the four kilometers to his kindergarten--that he would not be anxious, would listen to the teacher, would learn good things, make new friends, and all-in-all enjoy his new school. I also prayed for extra support for his teacher, who seem really nice and patient about my missing or inappropriate school gears for Declan that apparently all the local parents have prepared well in advance. I finally gathered everything tonight, so yay. (and whew!) Throughout the day, when I started worrying and imagining that he might be having a meltdown at school, I stopped to pray that he's having a good time. When I went to pick him up, he smiled a huge one and came to give me a hug. The principal had spotted me upon arrival and came up to tell me some details about Declan during lunch and snack times, and overall I already knew that his first day went fairly well before we reunited. I was so relieved! And then, amazingly, it was like Declan become responsible and reasonable over a matter of hours. I usually get into power struggles with him about what to do when and how about almost literally everything. This afternoon after pick-up, he ended up playing at the large outdoor sandbox at his kindergarten for an hour--and Petra joined in too--before we had to walk 20 minutes to ride a 15-minute free bus shuttle home. He listened well to all of my opinions and shared his own thoughts without the usual tyrannical edge in his petition. It. Was. Incredible.
He was patient with his sister, and talked gently with her by bending down to her level and asking questions to her quietly while looking at her kindly. He held her on the bus ride home and let her play with his hands even though he initially protested "My hands are not a toy, mei-mei. I am a people!" I could go on, but suffice it to say, he really acted like "a big guy" all the rest of the day. I took out the utensils and bowl he used for lunch to wash after we returned home, and discovered that they've already been washed--by Declan. His teacher taught the whole class to clean up after themselves and brush their teeth after lunch. She wasn't, however, able to persuade him to leave his toothbrush kit at school as everyone else did. I guess he remembered that I still needed to buy him another set for home use.
Instead of being my usual pessimistic self and waiting for the other shoe to drop about the return of Grouchy Declan, I just give praise to God for so many things. That we were able to register Declan for this kindergarten, that he enjoyed the first day, that he seems to be picking up good things about the Taiwanese culture (taking initiative to use chopsticks with a respectable degree of competence during dinner), that I genuinely enjoyed hanging out with him this whole day as opposed to the usual fear that I just don't have the energy/patience/love to take care of him properly. Kids being kids, I don't expect Declan to always be this perfect. In truth, he's a pretty cool kid even when he's being annoying. (Only when he's cruel to his sister do I usually blow my stacks.) I have to remember this, these things. Store them up like a squirrel towards nuts in case of the barren days.
So I prayed before bedtime yesterday, and this morning before I pushed him in the stroller while back-carrying Petra the four kilometers to his kindergarten--that he would not be anxious, would listen to the teacher, would learn good things, make new friends, and all-in-all enjoy his new school. I also prayed for extra support for his teacher, who seem really nice and patient about my missing or inappropriate school gears for Declan that apparently all the local parents have prepared well in advance. I finally gathered everything tonight, so yay. (and whew!) Throughout the day, when I started worrying and imagining that he might be having a meltdown at school, I stopped to pray that he's having a good time. When I went to pick him up, he smiled a huge one and came to give me a hug. The principal had spotted me upon arrival and came up to tell me some details about Declan during lunch and snack times, and overall I already knew that his first day went fairly well before we reunited. I was so relieved! And then, amazingly, it was like Declan become responsible and reasonable over a matter of hours. I usually get into power struggles with him about what to do when and how about almost literally everything. This afternoon after pick-up, he ended up playing at the large outdoor sandbox at his kindergarten for an hour--and Petra joined in too--before we had to walk 20 minutes to ride a 15-minute free bus shuttle home. He listened well to all of my opinions and shared his own thoughts without the usual tyrannical edge in his petition. It. Was. Incredible.
He was patient with his sister, and talked gently with her by bending down to her level and asking questions to her quietly while looking at her kindly. He held her on the bus ride home and let her play with his hands even though he initially protested "My hands are not a toy, mei-mei. I am a people!" I could go on, but suffice it to say, he really acted like "a big guy" all the rest of the day. I took out the utensils and bowl he used for lunch to wash after we returned home, and discovered that they've already been washed--by Declan. His teacher taught the whole class to clean up after themselves and brush their teeth after lunch. She wasn't, however, able to persuade him to leave his toothbrush kit at school as everyone else did. I guess he remembered that I still needed to buy him another set for home use.
Instead of being my usual pessimistic self and waiting for the other shoe to drop about the return of Grouchy Declan, I just give praise to God for so many things. That we were able to register Declan for this kindergarten, that he enjoyed the first day, that he seems to be picking up good things about the Taiwanese culture (taking initiative to use chopsticks with a respectable degree of competence during dinner), that I genuinely enjoyed hanging out with him this whole day as opposed to the usual fear that I just don't have the energy/patience/love to take care of him properly. Kids being kids, I don't expect Declan to always be this perfect. In truth, he's a pretty cool kid even when he's being annoying. (Only when he's cruel to his sister do I usually blow my stacks.) I have to remember this, these things. Store them up like a squirrel towards nuts in case of the barren days.
Friday, August 29, 2014
a (not at all) funny thing happened on the way home
I was about to write out my feelings here, but then a friend emailed me asking for updates (for which I hope she doesn't regret now) and I ended up word vomiting out what happened earlier today to her. I might as well post the pertinent information here, since it played a huge part in my doubt/uncertainty/distrust/confusion about Taiwan culture now per the personal anecdotal experiences I am compiling...
---email excerpt---
The timing of your email is pretty interesting in that it was a really hard day, emotionally, for me. Case in point, I'd been visiting (along with Daniel, Declan, and Petra) my parents in Kaohsiung for the past week and took the high-speed rail this morning back to Hsinchu. Daniel had to keep riding the rail north to Taipei for a conference, so I disembarked with the kids and two giant luggages (things my mom wanted me to take) to the taxi pickup place near the high speed rail station. As my turn at the taxi came, I rolled the luggages by the taxi trunk and was making sure Petra wasn't running towards the other idling cars as I wore Declan on my back. Usually, at this time, the taxi driver would be loading whatever luggages the passenger has into the trunk, but the taxi driver assigned to me stood by his open trunk and yelled at me as I was picking up Petra that it's not his job to put my luggages away for me, that they're so big and heavy and he doesn't get paid enough to do that much work, that this isn't his personal taxi company, etc etc...he just went on and on complaining about his job and the taxi company and how the system works, all in a really nasty tone as I proceeded to load my luggages while he stood there literally yelling next to me. I admit that I got pretty angry and muttered under my breath "I'm doing everything so you can stop complaining now" as I picked up the second luggage. Then, as he was still complaining, I moved to slam the trunk hood closed--to make a point about doing everything myself--and hit him on the head with the hood.
It was accidental (I promise!), but no doubt hurt a great deal. It wasn't until he pushed the trunk hood back up and then slammed it back down while screaming swear words at me that I realized what I'd done. I really did feel terrible and repeatedly apologized as I strained to see if the hit caused visible damage to his head, but he kept yelling more swear words until I got angry again at how he's now trying to get everyone to look at him and how poorly I've treated him. Since he wasn't responding to anything I was saying, I turned, popped open the trunk again, and this time dragged out all of my luggages and deposited them back onto the sidewalk. After he quieted down and glared at me for some time, he got into his taxi, drove a way off, got out, and gestured for the people waiting in line behind me to board his taxi. Then the entire row of taxis waiting after his drove past me. I silently watched each of them pass, one after another, as I held onto Petra with Declan on my back, wondering how I was going to get home by bus.
I felt really terrible, and prayed several times throughout the day afterwards for the taxi driver's head to be okay, that I didn't hurt him seriously. At the same time, I couldn't believe that all the other taxi drivers took his side. This, in addition to a currently ongoing standoff with several immigration officers about Petra's last name (Israeli birth certificate lists her with my maiden name but US recognizes her with Daniel's last name...In the eye of the Taiwanese government, I have two different daughters of different surnames but same first names born in the same city at the same time. Amazing! But also this means Petra is having a hard time acquiring her Taiwanese citizenship and therefore national health insurance) -- all made me feel like "returning" to Taiwan is a terrible mistake. That I don't belong here. But this has been my longed-for home for so long. If I don't belong here, where can I go? I actually missed Israeli bureaucracy and Israeli interactions. For some reason, getting yelled at in Israel never fazed me as much as all the things (several other incidents that I won't belabor your attention span with) that happened today did.
----end of email excerpt----
If this had been China or the US (except I wouldn't catch a taxi in the US, since that would be way too expensive), I would almost immediately chalk this up to a rotten culture/society. So rude, so insensitive, and so expected. But it's Taiwan, and my impression had always been that Taiwanese people = polite and service-oriented. Clearly, this reflects first my bigotry towards several other countries/cultures, and perhaps a bit of an entitlement attitude I have regarding myself in Taiwan. (Also, I might have been confusing Taiwan with Japan. Half-jk!) Maybe that's why this incident haunted me all day, because as awful as I felt he acted, I clearly shouldn't have lost my temper and brained him, even accidentally. Damn it, why can't it be more black and white, so I can work myself up into a self-righteous tizzy and then just benevolently forgive him? I suck, too.
---email excerpt---
The timing of your email is pretty interesting in that it was a really hard day, emotionally, for me. Case in point, I'd been visiting (along with Daniel, Declan, and Petra) my parents in Kaohsiung for the past week and took the high-speed rail this morning back to Hsinchu. Daniel had to keep riding the rail north to Taipei for a conference, so I disembarked with the kids and two giant luggages (things my mom wanted me to take) to the taxi pickup place near the high speed rail station. As my turn at the taxi came, I rolled the luggages by the taxi trunk and was making sure Petra wasn't running towards the other idling cars as I wore Declan on my back. Usually, at this time, the taxi driver would be loading whatever luggages the passenger has into the trunk, but the taxi driver assigned to me stood by his open trunk and yelled at me as I was picking up Petra that it's not his job to put my luggages away for me, that they're so big and heavy and he doesn't get paid enough to do that much work, that this isn't his personal taxi company, etc etc...he just went on and on complaining about his job and the taxi company and how the system works, all in a really nasty tone as I proceeded to load my luggages while he stood there literally yelling next to me. I admit that I got pretty angry and muttered under my breath "I'm doing everything so you can stop complaining now" as I picked up the second luggage. Then, as he was still complaining, I moved to slam the trunk hood closed--to make a point about doing everything myself--and hit him on the head with the hood.
It was accidental (I promise!), but no doubt hurt a great deal. It wasn't until he pushed the trunk hood back up and then slammed it back down while screaming swear words at me that I realized what I'd done. I really did feel terrible and repeatedly apologized as I strained to see if the hit caused visible damage to his head, but he kept yelling more swear words until I got angry again at how he's now trying to get everyone to look at him and how poorly I've treated him. Since he wasn't responding to anything I was saying, I turned, popped open the trunk again, and this time dragged out all of my luggages and deposited them back onto the sidewalk. After he quieted down and glared at me for some time, he got into his taxi, drove a way off, got out, and gestured for the people waiting in line behind me to board his taxi. Then the entire row of taxis waiting after his drove past me. I silently watched each of them pass, one after another, as I held onto Petra with Declan on my back, wondering how I was going to get home by bus.
I felt really terrible, and prayed several times throughout the day afterwards for the taxi driver's head to be okay, that I didn't hurt him seriously. At the same time, I couldn't believe that all the other taxi drivers took his side. This, in addition to a currently ongoing standoff with several immigration officers about Petra's last name (Israeli birth certificate lists her with my maiden name but US recognizes her with Daniel's last name...In the eye of the Taiwanese government, I have two different daughters of different surnames but same first names born in the same city at the same time. Amazing! But also this means Petra is having a hard time acquiring her Taiwanese citizenship and therefore national health insurance) -- all made me feel like "returning" to Taiwan is a terrible mistake. That I don't belong here. But this has been my longed-for home for so long. If I don't belong here, where can I go? I actually missed Israeli bureaucracy and Israeli interactions. For some reason, getting yelled at in Israel never fazed me as much as all the things (several other incidents that I won't belabor your attention span with) that happened today did.
----end of email excerpt----
If this had been China or the US (except I wouldn't catch a taxi in the US, since that would be way too expensive), I would almost immediately chalk this up to a rotten culture/society. So rude, so insensitive, and so expected. But it's Taiwan, and my impression had always been that Taiwanese people = polite and service-oriented. Clearly, this reflects first my bigotry towards several other countries/cultures, and perhaps a bit of an entitlement attitude I have regarding myself in Taiwan. (Also, I might have been confusing Taiwan with Japan. Half-jk!) Maybe that's why this incident haunted me all day, because as awful as I felt he acted, I clearly shouldn't have lost my temper and brained him, even accidentally. Damn it, why can't it be more black and white, so I can work myself up into a self-righteous tizzy and then just benevolently forgive him? I suck, too.
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