I was about to write out my feelings here, but then a friend emailed me asking for updates (for which I hope she doesn't regret now) and I ended up word vomiting out what happened earlier today to her. I might as well post the pertinent information here, since it played a huge part in my doubt/uncertainty/distrust/confusion about Taiwan culture now per the personal anecdotal experiences I am compiling...
---email excerpt---
The timing of your email is pretty interesting in that it was a really hard day, emotionally, for me. Case in point, I'd been visiting (along with Daniel, Declan, and Petra) my parents in Kaohsiung for the past week and took the high-speed rail this morning back to Hsinchu. Daniel had to keep riding the rail north to Taipei for a conference, so I disembarked with the kids and two giant luggages (things my mom wanted me to take) to the taxi pickup place near the high speed rail station. As my turn at the taxi came, I rolled the luggages by the taxi trunk and was making sure Petra wasn't running towards the other idling cars as I wore Declan on my back. Usually, at this time, the taxi driver would be loading whatever luggages the passenger has into the trunk, but the taxi driver assigned to me stood by his open trunk and yelled at me as I was picking up Petra that it's not his job to put my luggages away for me, that they're so big and heavy and he doesn't get paid enough to do that much work, that this isn't his personal taxi company, etc etc...he just went on and on complaining about his job and the taxi company and how the system works, all in a really nasty tone as I proceeded to load my luggages while he stood there literally yelling next to me. I admit that I got pretty angry and muttered under my breath "I'm doing everything so you can stop complaining now" as I picked up the second luggage. Then, as he was still complaining, I moved to slam the trunk hood closed--to make a point about doing everything myself--and hit him on the head with the hood.
It was accidental (I promise!), but no doubt hurt a great deal. It wasn't until he pushed the trunk hood back up and then slammed it back down while screaming swear words at me that I realized what I'd done. I really did feel terrible and repeatedly apologized as I strained to see if the hit caused visible damage to his head, but he kept yelling more swear words until I got angry again at how he's now trying to get everyone to look at him and how poorly I've treated him. Since he wasn't responding to anything I was saying, I turned, popped open the trunk again, and this time dragged out all of my luggages and deposited them back onto the sidewalk. After he quieted down and glared at me for some time, he got into his taxi, drove a way off, got out, and gestured for the people waiting in line behind me to board his taxi. Then the entire row of taxis waiting after his drove past me. I silently watched each of them pass, one after another, as I held onto Petra with Declan on my back, wondering how I was going to get home by bus.
I felt really terrible, and prayed several times throughout the day afterwards for the taxi driver's head to be okay, that I didn't hurt him seriously. At the same time, I couldn't believe that all the other taxi drivers took his side. This, in addition to a currently ongoing standoff with several immigration officers about Petra's last name (Israeli birth certificate lists her with my maiden name but US recognizes her with Daniel's last name...In the eye of the Taiwanese government, I have two different daughters of different surnames but same first names born in the same city at the same time. Amazing! But also this means Petra is having a hard time acquiring her Taiwanese citizenship and therefore national health insurance) -- all made me feel like "returning" to Taiwan is a terrible mistake. That I don't belong here. But this has been my longed-for home for so long. If I don't belong here, where can I go? I actually missed Israeli bureaucracy and Israeli interactions. For some reason, getting yelled at in Israel never fazed me as much as all the things (several other incidents that I won't belabor your attention span with) that happened today did.
----end of email excerpt----
If this had been China or the US (except I wouldn't catch a taxi in the US, since that would be way too expensive), I would almost immediately chalk this up to a rotten culture/society. So rude, so insensitive, and so expected. But it's Taiwan, and my impression had always been that Taiwanese people = polite and service-oriented. Clearly, this reflects first my bigotry towards several other countries/cultures, and perhaps a bit of an entitlement attitude I have regarding myself in Taiwan. (Also, I might have been confusing Taiwan with Japan. Half-jk!) Maybe that's why this incident haunted me all day, because as awful as I felt he acted, I clearly shouldn't have lost my temper and brained him, even accidentally. Damn it, why can't it be more black and white, so I can work myself up into a self-righteous tizzy and then just benevolently forgive him? I suck, too.
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