I hesitate to call them achievements because they would seem like such big no-big-deals to my single alter ego, if I were the same age but not married and/or have kids. For some reason, though, having kid(s) often render me a puddle of water prone to feeling the full extent of my failure, burdened by the immense responsibility of raising up humans that don't end up becoming serial killers.
Sometimes just getting out of the house, or even staying home all day but not losing my temper at the children/husband is major, major victory. Yes, I think becoming a parent really opened my eyes to how frail I am. Physically, emotionally, spiritually.
And so I give thanks for even the most simple things, like:
- Wednesday morning: Walking to and back from Mommy & Me in Vardiya with Petra in a sling; the first time since three weeks ago when I gave birth to her. Remembering to bring an umbrella so Petra didn't get soaked by the sudden downpour when we were five minutes away from Hila's.
- Wednesday night: My mom left Israel after helping with the newborn for the last three weeks, and panic had set in as the evening deepened... As the sun rose today, I am so grateful that I actually feel not in pain but semi-rested despite not having my mom to help hold the baby so I can catch up on sleep in between night feedings. Admittedly, Elizabeth held Petra so I could go to bed early while she stayed up to watch some shows on the DVD machine. So I guess the real test of independence in raising a baby and toddler simultaneously will come when I'm truly alone. (Gulp.)
- Thursday morning (today): Allyson told me about a La Leche meeting and it so happened to take place at 10am just five minutes walk from my place, at Merkaz Maof. I had to ask a store owner (in Hebrew!) where it is. The group accommodated me by speaking mostly in English, switching to Hebrew when in heated discussion (I love how openly opinionated Israelis are!). I'm so thankful that Elizabeth woke up in time to babysit Declan, as I was planning to bring both kids. That would have been a terrible, terrible idea.
- Thursday afternoon: I used yad2 to find a night light/small lamp for the baby's night changing table. I'm proud of this "feat" because the website was in Hebrew, but I figured it out with Google Translate and contacted the seller. Thank goodness he speaks English, and we finalized the transaction after I came home from the La Leche meeting. I'm actually looking forward to changing Petra's diaper in the wee hours tonight.
I never gave myself (and probably still don't) enough credit for the small victories when I first arrived in France. Yay me! I went to the grocery store by myself! But it really is hard. Not just the foreign language and culture, but being in a new apartment and far away from friends and family. I can't imagine doing it with two kids. So you go girl. Pat yourself on the back :)
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