So I ended up going to the ob-gyn because Daniel told on me to my parents. The pain turned out to be round ligament pain, which felt a lot differently during my last pregnancy, but which my friend J.L. confirmed could be a lot worse in later pregnancies. The nurses told me to take it easy on lifting heavy things, such as the toddler, so it's been nice to get a break from Declan's intense need for touch as my mom and husband take over the carrying more.
It's been really nice, despite the occasional power struggle and clash in style and principles, to have my mom around the apartment. Declan's warmed to her attention, from initially yelling negatively when he saw her to now running to her for kisses spontaneously. I appreciate the diffusion of responsibility, and how it's so easy to get cheap and good food near our place so that I've also been taking a break from cooking our daily meals.
When things get a little easier, I tend to get more nervous. It's like I don't want to get comfortable, get used and soft to this lifestyle. But I was swimming in our apartment complex's pool (yes, there's a pool! And it's actually big enough for me to swim laps in!), I realized that my resistance to enjoy fully the present blessings in my life might be unnecessarily exhausting. It blocks me from fully appreciating, say, the temporary relief of my husband playing with our son so I can swim by myself. It blocks me from fully giving thanks for being able to exercise in a way that's completely safe to the baby in me. And a lot of other things, like how even though Declan can still get pretty frustrating, he's definitely more and more independent than the harder earlier months.
I should appreciate things like these more, even if they're not permanent fixtures of my life. (What is, anyway?)
Ugh! Round ligament pain is awful. I had it with my first, but not my second, and I was terrified I was miscarrying.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I feel you on the being afraid to enjoy life when it gets easier. I feel like things must be about to get bad because things can't stay good. I try to remind myself that God delights to give us good gifts and I should enjoy them instead of fearing that God is going to take them away.
That's interesting that you experienced ligament pain with your first pregnancy instead of your second. I guess every pregnancy and even every pregnant woman is different indeed.
DeleteVery good reminder about God's giving nature. I think I tend to overcompensate against the abuses of "prosperity gospel" by imagining a too-strict, drill sergeant God instead.
I always get really nervous, like something horrible must be about to happen when life is good. It's probably much better to just enjoy it and relish the calm happiness. I will try to remember to do that.
ReplyDeleteI'm a little surprised to learn I'm not the only one who's so contrary. (Perhaps I'm not as unique as I think I am *gasp!*) I wonder why we're prone to be such anti-Pollyannas.
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