Lately, when Declan sees a Batman comic book or his Spiderman pillowcase (both courtesy of the boys whose family's apartment we're currently subletting), he would point to the Batman symbol or Spiderman's tight bums and say, "Mama!"
I waver between feeling flattered and being very, very confused.
Sometimes I get really irritated that my son is simply inseparable from me. No matter where I go, even just not being in the same room as he is for, say, 10 minutes, and very soon, I would hear an inquisitive little voice saying, "Mama? Mama??" This is a constant refrain from the darkened bedroom when Daniel's coaxing Declan to sleep at bedtime.
Still, a part of me is really glad for this connection. I have a sneaking suspicion that children have the monopoly on unconditional love, and at some point in their lives, they start losing it for some reason, even (or in some cases, especially) towards their parents. And parents, being imperfect beings as all humans are, always have some things about which their children need to forgive them at some point in the latter's life. Oh sure, there are some people I've came upon who have unbelievably wonderful relationships with their parents in all stages of their life. These people, in my experience, tend to be deeply couched in some kind of religious culture and never really moved that far away from their parents on their own. And my limiting, somewhat belittling categorization is, without a doubt, due to my wistful envy of said unbelievably wonderful relationships with their parents. I don't know if I would trade all of my life experiences for that, but...on some days, especially the days when I just got off the phone after another soul-crushing and disappointing conversation with my parents, I actually would. As I became a parent myself, I see more and more how truly tragic it is for a child and parent to be unable to understand and support each other, no matter their ages.
I sometimes wonder what these "some things" are that Declan and his sister will have to forgive their father and me for. And that makes me hyper-vigilant about my conducts and attitudes towards everything so that, at least, I would have given it my best shot in building a solid unbreakable bond between us.
In the meantime, I should do my best to enjoy the early childhood days when Declan identifies me as a superhero clad in tight spandex.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
enjoying organic, local, and seasonal produce via israel's community-supported agriculture
I'm so excited and glad that I had not put off calling back the CSA referred by Noga to iron out the possibility of my family's subscription. One of the things I was really bummed about in having to leave Pittsburgh was relinquishing my jobs as a pickup point person for two local farms. One of them pay in cash and any leftover produce box that any customer fails to pick up that day, and the other one pays in one subscription that introduced me to sweet local strawberries, brussel sprouts, rutabagas, beets, and other vegetables/fruits that I would never have tried or enjoyed if my only food source was the supermarket.
When I made the call this morning, the delivery people were just about to head out and make their Haifa deliveries, which happens on Tuesdays. I'm also thankful that Daniel had gotten American Express prepaid cards that I was able to use to make payments with as a regular customer, because the only way to pay this farm was via credit card over the phone. Makes sense that they don't want their delivery people to be loaded down with cash as they make their rounds.
A few things happened recently that seem to be direct responses to a recent query/rant/complaint to God by me while "in the pit of despair." I hope to elaborate later for my own posterity. Right now, I need to wash Declan's butt and try to put him down for a nap.
When I made the call this morning, the delivery people were just about to head out and make their Haifa deliveries, which happens on Tuesdays. I'm also thankful that Daniel had gotten American Express prepaid cards that I was able to use to make payments with as a regular customer, because the only way to pay this farm was via credit card over the phone. Makes sense that they don't want their delivery people to be loaded down with cash as they make their rounds.
A few things happened recently that seem to be direct responses to a recent query/rant/complaint to God by me while "in the pit of despair." I hope to elaborate later for my own posterity. Right now, I need to wash Declan's butt and try to put him down for a nap.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
the bitter melon years
Today, I officially start learning Hebrew...and we'll see how much I've learned by the end of my time in Israel. My friend Sherry from Oregon ordered some Hebrew textbooks and had Amazon ship it to Haifa. Daniel picked it up from the post office. There're three books in all, emphasizing different aspects of the language. I've started on the thinnest one, which emphasizes how to read the aleph bet. Since I don't know a lot of only-Hebrew-speaking people here, I'm going to tackle my illiteracy first of all so that maybe I'll be able to start learning vocabulary (finally!) from being able to decipher, say, my grocery bill receipt.
Having something very practical and useful to do, to learn, that's apart from the mundane tasks of housekeeping and child-caring is....really, really nice. It makes me feel almost like my own person again. Or a fragment of my own person.
I managed to do two lessons from the 10-lesson textbook during Declan's nap time just now. Most likely, when the new baby comes, it'll be an intense couple of months or first year of not having even this pocket of time to myself, but at least I won't be pregnant anymore. The going away of pregnancy hormones that bump up my suicidal streak would be ample compensation for lost studying time. Meanwhile, let me seize the moment now.
Having something very practical and useful to do, to learn, that's apart from the mundane tasks of housekeeping and child-caring is....really, really nice. It makes me feel almost like my own person again. Or a fragment of my own person.
I managed to do two lessons from the 10-lesson textbook during Declan's nap time just now. Most likely, when the new baby comes, it'll be an intense couple of months or first year of not having even this pocket of time to myself, but at least I won't be pregnant anymore. The going away of pregnancy hormones that bump up my suicidal streak would be ample compensation for lost studying time. Meanwhile, let me seize the moment now.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
I think this is perhaps the saddest thing in my life: that I have become so removed from the day-to-day life of all of my friends and family due to the constant moving and social isolation I've experienced since I got married that, were I to drop dead tomorrow, nobody's life would really be affected at all.
Except that of my son and husband, of course. But that's usually what happens when your live-in maid and nanny quit working all of a sudden.
God doesn't actually love me, does He. Because I have to wonder why He's perfectly fine with me being this way.
Except that of my son and husband, of course. But that's usually what happens when your live-in maid and nanny quit working all of a sudden.
God doesn't actually love me, does He. Because I have to wonder why He's perfectly fine with me being this way.
Friday, October 5, 2012
and it is decided
The visit to the birth center called Agoola, located in Beit Lechem Haglilit (aka "Bethlehem of Galilee"), took two hours of bus-riding from Haifa to the destination, with three bus transfers. The last bus was not run by Egged (the Israeli public bus system), but a private charter company. Declan got car-sick midway there, and vomited a little bit on himself and Daniel. As Declan inherited this trait from me, I also felt pretty ill by the end of our travels and really zoned out during and after the (also) two-hour-long bus ride home.
However, it was all worth it.
Beit Lechem Haglilit is a moshav, that is, a community farm with individually-owned family units. The birth center, Agoola, is actually just the basement of my midwife's house converted into a homey apartment-looking place, equipped with all the thing one needs for birthing and postpartum tests. There's a room for dry births and overnight stay, and a huge luxurious cocoon-esque jacuzzi tub with a headrest in the bathroom for those interested in water births. Plus a kitchenette. I was all set to do a home birth at my actual home in Haifa just so I could be spared the commute up north, but one look at that tub and I'm pretty much decided on renting a car to Beit Lechem Haglilit for the birthing.
I learned a lot from my midwife about the antepartum, birthing, and postpartum care and medical system here in Israel. For example, new moms who are Israeli citizens receive a stipend from the government for giving birth, and their birthing is free no matter where they give birth. On top of that, the government pays the hospital in which the woman gave birth 11,000 shekels. This is also why, as non-Israeli citizens, we must pay 11,000 shekels right off the bat in order to give birth at any hospitals here, not counting other actual birthing-related costs. Thanks, Israel, for making my decision to not birth in a hospital that much easier. (Although, for our current arrangement, should complications arise and I have to be transferred to the closest hospital, which is in Nazareth, I'd need to pay my midwife her fee of 5000 shekels as well as the typical hospital bill.)
The things left to do are to find out what my health insurance really is and also a doula. If it's Clalit Platinum, we might be able to get some subsidy for hiring a midwife and/or a doula. Daniel wasn't sure, after our pleasant experience at Agoola, whether we still in fact need a doula. Our midwife said that most women who opt for home births usually don't feel they need one, but I plan to interview some anyway because of the Declan factor. Last time I gave birth, there were my doula, midwife, mom, Jess, *and* Daniel as part of my team at the hospital. This time, it would just be my midwife and Daniel since my mom--if she actually makes it here to Israel for the birth--would need to help watch Declan back at home. And if my labor goes long, I'd feel a lot better if my midwife still has someone to help her care for me while Daniel drives back to Haifa to take care of Declan. We have a really high-maintenance son who has never went to sleep for a nap (except once, with Judy) or bedtime without either his dad or me being there, and even then it's always been something of a fight unless he was really exhausted. So that's something I still worry about for my daughter's birthing--how my son's going to handle the strange disruption of our absence.
But that is a small potato compared to what I had been worrying about, which I don't have to worry about anymore. Thank God.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
final hand-wringing about birth options in israel (hopefully)
So I just spent about three hours researching online regarding the best places to give birth in/near Haifa, and the best people (midwife/doula) to do it with.
Exhausted. Momentarily discouraged, again. This search was triggered by the correspondence last night with yet another mother I was introduced to before we took our Italy trip. I had been pretty excited about meeting Allyson and her then-eight-month-old son...but then she said her family's moving a week after we return from Italy. Then, I was pretty excited about meeting Miriam and her three kids...until she told me last night via FB that she's leaving for Germany in a month. Her family decided it'd be best for her to give birth to their fourth child there than do it here in Israel.
And, after all the searches in the last three hours, I totally empathize with her decision. Still, one encouraging note for me is that I decided to take one last thorough read of Allyson's email--which is quite long and chock full of her prenatal and birthing experience in Haifa--and discovered that a lot of the options and names I stumbled across on my own and read about are actually already mentioned in her email. I had missed all these before, and happily, a lot of my own conclusions are bolstered by her own experience. So it's nice to know that my gut instincts and educated guesses are right on. I'm going to consider the past three hours time well spent then, even though I gained no real new names besides what I received from Allyson. At least now I know with great certainty that the information she provides is solid.
Laniado sounds the nicest, what with its friendly relationship with doulas and midwives as well as large bathtubs. But it's 56 km away in Netanya, and husbands aren't allowed to stay the night. Unless someone from Kirsten and Or's congregation would be nice enough to host Daniel for the typical two nights that my post-birth stay would require for him, Laniado is not a good option since we still have to pay for the natural birthing suite. No point adding a hotel fee on top of that.
Carmel Hospital sounds the second nicest, but it is fairly medicalized. I hear the food is good, and we can get there by a quick ride on the bus. Still, I'm not too keen about the mandatory six-hour-long separation between mother and newborn that's typical of an Israeli hospital birth, and I don't like dealing with paperwork and constant fetal monitoring as well as unnecessary vaginal exams while in labor.
Right now, my options are either Agoola, a birth center about 20km away, with a midwife that's been recommended by two separate sources. Or home birth, with said midwife. I can't believe I'm seriously considering a home birth, but there are some definite advantages to this option, if all goes well with the birth i.e. no complications. I might miss out on the hospital food (which, like airplane food, I really, really enjoy) afterwards and whatever new knowledge I might gain about medicalized birth in Israel as contrasted with my experience in the U.S. But I guess I would be so happy with a smooth home birth that missing out on hospital food and firsthand hospital knowledge is a ridiculous trade-off to consider even a trade-off. Should we need medical help during the home birth, Carmel Hospital is close by enough.
Option #3: There is a kibbutz about 20km north of Haifa that a recommended midwife works at... It's within a stone's throw away from the Lebanese border. I don't know how we would be able to check it out though. I guess, if my impressions towards the midwife I'm meeting tomorrow at Agoola are positive, that will be the end of considering the kibbutz at all. The remaining question would be whether to give birth at Agoola or at home, and hopefully the midwife can provide some words of wisdom for that decision. I plan to start interviewing for my doula after my birthing location is set.
Exhausted. Momentarily discouraged, again. This search was triggered by the correspondence last night with yet another mother I was introduced to before we took our Italy trip. I had been pretty excited about meeting Allyson and her then-eight-month-old son...but then she said her family's moving a week after we return from Italy. Then, I was pretty excited about meeting Miriam and her three kids...until she told me last night via FB that she's leaving for Germany in a month. Her family decided it'd be best for her to give birth to their fourth child there than do it here in Israel.
And, after all the searches in the last three hours, I totally empathize with her decision. Still, one encouraging note for me is that I decided to take one last thorough read of Allyson's email--which is quite long and chock full of her prenatal and birthing experience in Haifa--and discovered that a lot of the options and names I stumbled across on my own and read about are actually already mentioned in her email. I had missed all these before, and happily, a lot of my own conclusions are bolstered by her own experience. So it's nice to know that my gut instincts and educated guesses are right on. I'm going to consider the past three hours time well spent then, even though I gained no real new names besides what I received from Allyson. At least now I know with great certainty that the information she provides is solid.
Laniado sounds the nicest, what with its friendly relationship with doulas and midwives as well as large bathtubs. But it's 56 km away in Netanya, and husbands aren't allowed to stay the night. Unless someone from Kirsten and Or's congregation would be nice enough to host Daniel for the typical two nights that my post-birth stay would require for him, Laniado is not a good option since we still have to pay for the natural birthing suite. No point adding a hotel fee on top of that.
Carmel Hospital sounds the second nicest, but it is fairly medicalized. I hear the food is good, and we can get there by a quick ride on the bus. Still, I'm not too keen about the mandatory six-hour-long separation between mother and newborn that's typical of an Israeli hospital birth, and I don't like dealing with paperwork and constant fetal monitoring as well as unnecessary vaginal exams while in labor.
Right now, my options are either Agoola, a birth center about 20km away, with a midwife that's been recommended by two separate sources. Or home birth, with said midwife. I can't believe I'm seriously considering a home birth, but there are some definite advantages to this option, if all goes well with the birth i.e. no complications. I might miss out on the hospital food (which, like airplane food, I really, really enjoy) afterwards and whatever new knowledge I might gain about medicalized birth in Israel as contrasted with my experience in the U.S. But I guess I would be so happy with a smooth home birth that missing out on hospital food and firsthand hospital knowledge is a ridiculous trade-off to consider even a trade-off. Should we need medical help during the home birth, Carmel Hospital is close by enough.
Option #3: There is a kibbutz about 20km north of Haifa that a recommended midwife works at... It's within a stone's throw away from the Lebanese border. I don't know how we would be able to check it out though. I guess, if my impressions towards the midwife I'm meeting tomorrow at Agoola are positive, that will be the end of considering the kibbutz at all. The remaining question would be whether to give birth at Agoola or at home, and hopefully the midwife can provide some words of wisdom for that decision. I plan to start interviewing for my doula after my birthing location is set.
Monday, October 1, 2012
weaning, prenatal preoccupations, and sukkot
So I think Declan is officially weaned... It's about almost a month since the last time he nursed. When we were checking out the pre-Renaissance artwork displayed in the former Venetian Royal Palace, Declan showed great interest in all the pictures of the breastfeeding baby Jesus. He said "Num-num" (his word for nursing) and repeatedly pointed at Mary's boobs, eventually lifting up his own shirt to point out his nipples. Usually, with such reminders, he'd be wailing pretty soon for me to nurse him, but at this point, he seems merely to have lots of fond memories of such an activity, with no absolute need for it anymore. He did look hopefully at me last night, after we returned from Sukkot dinner, but when I pointed out books he could read, he shifted his attention without much fuss.
And thank God for that...I had meant to nurse Declan for at least two years, not shy of 21 months. I wonder if I could have gone for a bit longer if I weren't pregnant. As it is though, my body's so sore and messed up right now from pregnancy hormones that it's a really nice break. Israeli doctors are ridiculously thorough about prenatal tests... The organ ultrasound I took on Sunday was at least half an hour longer than the one given me in Pittsburgh, and they check for not only the vital organs like heart and kidneys, but also details like the corpus callosum. Everything seems to be in order, and my daughter is currently about 700g in weight, or the 50th percentile compared with most fetuses her age. (Frankly, I find it a bit ridiculous to have such information.) I was hoping that I wouldn't need to go through the glucose test that I did when pregnant with Declan, but the nurse I talked with was pretty adamant. She seemed to think that the only reason for my hesitation is because I don't like the taste of the glucose solution I'd have to drink, given how she constantly reassured me by describing how "great" it tastes. Sigh. Whatever. My main focus right now is to find a birthing place and birthing assistants that I'm comfortable with. I'm a bit torn about two potential places right now. One of them, I'm bussing to this Thursday (hopefully the bus system is working, unlike today with the beginning of Sukkot...there's been a lot of religious-holiday-induced non-working days lately); the other is located in Netanya, a city about 56km south of Haifa. I've heard really good things about it, and love its philosophy, but I wonder if the distance would allow for everything to work out.
A bright memory here (so that I don't feel so down about missing the Great Race in Pittsburgh this year) is the Sukkot dinner last night wherein Kirsten made chili and baked potatoes with all the fixings, Or made salad, Rachel brought cherry pie, and I made garlic bread. Mark and Rachel came up from Tel Aviv, and it was a really good time with friends. I'm glad to have moments like this in a foreign country that I've moved to only a little over a month ago. It's a really a big blessing.
And thank God for that...I had meant to nurse Declan for at least two years, not shy of 21 months. I wonder if I could have gone for a bit longer if I weren't pregnant. As it is though, my body's so sore and messed up right now from pregnancy hormones that it's a really nice break. Israeli doctors are ridiculously thorough about prenatal tests... The organ ultrasound I took on Sunday was at least half an hour longer than the one given me in Pittsburgh, and they check for not only the vital organs like heart and kidneys, but also details like the corpus callosum. Everything seems to be in order, and my daughter is currently about 700g in weight, or the 50th percentile compared with most fetuses her age. (Frankly, I find it a bit ridiculous to have such information.) I was hoping that I wouldn't need to go through the glucose test that I did when pregnant with Declan, but the nurse I talked with was pretty adamant. She seemed to think that the only reason for my hesitation is because I don't like the taste of the glucose solution I'd have to drink, given how she constantly reassured me by describing how "great" it tastes. Sigh. Whatever. My main focus right now is to find a birthing place and birthing assistants that I'm comfortable with. I'm a bit torn about two potential places right now. One of them, I'm bussing to this Thursday (hopefully the bus system is working, unlike today with the beginning of Sukkot...there's been a lot of religious-holiday-induced non-working days lately); the other is located in Netanya, a city about 56km south of Haifa. I've heard really good things about it, and love its philosophy, but I wonder if the distance would allow for everything to work out.
A bright memory here (so that I don't feel so down about missing the Great Race in Pittsburgh this year) is the Sukkot dinner last night wherein Kirsten made chili and baked potatoes with all the fixings, Or made salad, Rachel brought cherry pie, and I made garlic bread. Mark and Rachel came up from Tel Aviv, and it was a really good time with friends. I'm glad to have moments like this in a foreign country that I've moved to only a little over a month ago. It's a really a big blessing.
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