a brief reflection, that was originally supposed to be a mere tangent

Lately, when Declan sees a Batman comic book or his Spiderman pillowcase (both courtesy of the boys whose family's apartment we're currently subletting), he would point to the Batman symbol or Spiderman's tight bums and say, "Mama!"

I waver between feeling flattered and being very, very confused.

Sometimes I get really irritated that my son is simply inseparable from me. No matter where I go, even just not being in the same room as he is for, say, 10 minutes, and very soon, I would hear an inquisitive little voice saying, "Mama? Mama??" This is a constant refrain from the darkened bedroom when Daniel's coaxing Declan to sleep at bedtime.

Still, a part of me is really glad for this connection. I have a sneaking suspicion that children have the monopoly on unconditional love, and at some point in their lives, they start losing it for some reason, even (or in some cases, especially) towards their parents. And parents, being imperfect beings as all humans are, always have some things about which their children need to forgive them at some point in the latter's life. Oh sure, there are some people I've came upon who have unbelievably wonderful relationships with their parents in all stages of their life. These people, in my experience, tend to be deeply couched in some kind of religious culture and never really moved that far away from their parents on their own. And my limiting, somewhat belittling categorization is, without a doubt, due to my wistful envy of said unbelievably wonderful relationships with their parents. I don't know if I would trade all of my life experiences for that, but...on some days, especially the days when I just got off the phone after another soul-crushing and disappointing conversation with my parents, I actually would. As I became a parent myself, I see more and more how truly tragic it is for a child and parent to be unable to understand and support each other, no matter their ages.

I sometimes wonder what these "some things" are that Declan and his sister will have to forgive their father and me for. And that makes me hyper-vigilant about my conducts and attitudes towards everything so that, at least, I would have given it my best shot in building a solid unbreakable bond between us.

In the meantime, I should do my best to enjoy the early childhood days when Declan identifies me as a superhero clad in tight spandex.