I don't know why I'm so freaking tired lately. It's only around 10pm right now and I am exhausted...have been since 7:30pm...The only reason why I'm up is because this is the only down time I have where it's just me, by myself. No clingy baby who has learned to whine incessantly. No husband in need of processing today's new discoveries. I am a bit sapped out, and am very grateful for this gap in the space-time continuum to just...veg.
Everything is so much harder here. My husband wondered aloud tonight: "China is a bad place with kind people, while the U.S. is a nice place with mean people." What he meant was that there are so many environmental issues in this densely-packed, bureaucratically-stifling country, but the people we've encountered for the most part are kind and eager to help us out. In the States, we are surrounded by beautiful green spaces with wonderfully clean air, but strangers tend to keep to themselves. Very cool and aloof. And, in my case, overtly racist on many occasions. In response to his comment, I wondered why Americans aren't happier that they live in such a beautiful country? I certainly didn't fully appreciate it until now. Maybe that's it. O ingratitude that blinds.
My husband's planning to attend a math conference in Beijing towards the end of this month. I have the choice of being here by myself with the baby or traveling via high speed rail with him up north. The rail has mixed reviews regarding safety. Hm. The last time I was in Beijing was about 15 years ago. I should probably go again...but how will this affect our son's sleep/wake schedule, which is finally starting to form some kind of pattern? Traveling is so much easier without a child. I *am* grateful that by then he would be 10 months old. He's starting to show his own will in very specific and insistent ways, and his strong little personality and idiosyncrasies crack. me. up. Like how he likes to bounce up and down to my cell phone's ringtone every time it rings. Or when he gets tired but still wants to keep playing, how he would squat and rest his head on the floor while his butt and arms still wiggle around. Crazy kid.
As of now, I don't foresee us staying here for longer than my husband's current contract of three and a half years. I'm also leaning away from the possibility of doing my PhD here. Maybe after our son turns one year old, I'll look into part-time teaching at this company that a friend here could refer me to. I'm definitely sure, God willing, that I won't plan to have another child until after we leave for who knows which new city. According to the World Health Organization, the optimal time between siblings is between two and four years anyway.
No comments:
Post a Comment