First day in Okinawa

Everyone I know thinks I'm on this awesome family vacation full of rest and excitement, but in reality this is just another work trip for Daniel in which daily life for us gets a temporary week long relocation. The university the husband is researching at for the week is very much out in the boonies, far away from all the fun, touristy features of this Japanese prefecture. We arrived at 10pm yesterday night; I looked up and saw stars and actual constellations in the absence of any light pollution.

Regardless of other people's illusions, I'm glad to see a new place. Oftentimes I would rather experience the mundane lives of local people than the frenetic activities of tourism. Today comprised of playing two board games with the kids in the morning, checking out the campus and all the truly fascinating research that are taking place here, homeschooling Declan who is missing a week of school, hiking around to seek out reasonably priced food sources, and going to a play group.

I love how international this place of research is! At the playgroup, there was a Japanese story time, which I enjoyed immensely more so than the kids did as my Japanese fluency level was perfect for the preschool storybooks. (Booyah!) The kids ended up playing with kids whose parents were from Israel, Russia, Taiwan (besides me, I mean), and Pittsburgh! The Pittsburgh mom actually went to high school with one of my ex-boyfriends' brother. Small world. The Israeli mom invited us to her home in the faculty apartments for dinner, but Daniel came back from the day's research a bit depressed and wanted to just hang out with family. So I sadly declined. It was so nice to hang out with a bunch of intellectual stay at home moms who are familiar with cross cultural concerns. I miss being understood.

After dinner (Petra, as the birthday girl, requested penne, so I made an onion-mushroom-broccoli tomato sauce to go with a pot of that), the kids and I took a night walk with the husband to his lab and research unit space. One can just feel the energy of all the scientific explorations underway even as we strolled by. I showed the husband where the kids broke the water cooler and soaked the carpet in the resource center, and also the defibrillator whose alarm Petra set off when she went a-pokin'. 

Some chess pieces were missing 

so I told Declan to improvise

For tomorrow, and so on, I am once again on my own in planning our schedule sans transportation. Just taking it one day at a time and thank God today was really fun!

By kindly power surrounded

Learning this song for church choir. The music is set to the following poem written by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. The score I received noted it was the last poem he wrote in prison before he was executed. So much respect for this brave man of God. So much honor to be able to sing and share the thoughts of one who so fully trusted our maker.

By kindly powers surrounded, peaceful and true,
wonderfully protected with consolation dear,
safely, I dwell with you this whole day through,
and surely into another year.

Though from the old our hearts are still in pain,
while evil days oppress with burdens still,
Lord, give to our frightened souls again,
salvation and thy promises fulfill.

And shouldst thou offer us the bitter cup, resembling
sorrow, filled to the brim and overflowing,
we will receive it thankfully, without trembling,
from thy hand, so good and ever-loving.

But if it be thy will again to give
joy of this world and bright sunshine,
then in our minds we will past times relive
and all our days be wholly thine.

Let candles burn, both warm and bright,
which to our darkness thou has brought,
and, if that can be, bring us together in the light,
thy light shines in the night unsought.

When we are wrapped in silence most profound,
may we hear that song most fully raised
from all the unseen world that lies around
and thou art by all thy children praised.

By kindly powers protected wonderfully,
confident, we wait for come what may.
Night and morning, God is by us, faithfully
and surely at each newborn day.

A truly nothing day

So this is what I did today:

Woke up coughing uncontrollably
Nursed the baby, whom I woke with my coughing and his own coughing, back to sleep
Got up to make breakfast burritos for everyone
Woke the kids up for school, helped get them dressed
Went to ENT clinic with J
Picked up flu medicine for us both and walked home
Lied back down in bed, breathing heavily and coughing

Lied in bed
Nursed the baby
Lied in bed
Ruining my eyes on the smartphone while lying in bed
Nursed the baby

Yep, that's about it.

Back to lying in bed

Let the decluttering begin!

I wonder if I would be as obsessed diligent as I try to be in keeping our household on the minimalist end of possessions if we lived in a house as opposed to an old walk-up apartment?

But the fact on the ground is I get so tired of the Sisyphean routine of sorting toy messes everyday after the kids rip through the rooms. Seems rather inefficient to clean, say, two hours for every 30 minutes of play.

So I gave away two armfuls of toys to a newly renovated vegan restaurant near D's school that we often frequent for lunch.  I hope their vision of a play area by the dining tables turn out to be an invaluable asset for business and atmosphere. 

After coming home, I also recycled about a small bag worth of plastic and paper toys. More to sort through tomorrow, including laundry aka too much clothing. How did we accumulate just so much stuff merely from halting our nomadic lifestyle for a year or two? My spending habits really must change.

As I took breaks from downsizing, I thought fondly of our week-long stays in Milan, Louvain la Neuve, and Bielefeld. In each of these places, we had stayed at airbnb-style housings furnished with the bare necessities and very simple kitchenettes. I enjoyed the simplicity of it all and hardly felt any lack. Surely if we can get by for a week on that kind of setup, there really is no need for anything more in our "real" day-to-day life.

I have to be careful, though, not to accidentally embed secret hoarding instincts in my children by going too austere too suddenly. These little housemates sure like to collect things...

This particular housemate tried to keep a whole bunch of to-be-donated items by sitting on them. I sense a future environmental activist who will protect ancient trees by the human shield method. Good practice, buddy. 

It's a wonderful life (the movie)

Finally convinced my philistine of a husband to watch It's A Wonderful Life to completion (next challenge: Sound of Music). He had resisted on account of it being black and white, but pitied me in my enterovirus suffering and sat through a screening with me.

Some takeways:

Jimmy Stewart really was a wonderful actor. Never tire of this guy.

George Bailey may be a great guy, but he's not a good manager of people. He could have hired someone competent to manage the Building and Loans while he actually takes a vacay abroad every now and then. And for goodness' sake, don't entrust the entire treasury to someone like Uncle Billy!

Kind of hilarious that the worst fate for Mary if George was never born was that she became "an old maid". Apparently being an unmarried librarian (which btw is one of my ideal life scenarios) is far worse than, say, getting married to an alcoholic spouse that beats her every night. Because...at least she wouldn't have stayed single?

There needs to be an epilogue or something where the guy who pushes Potter's wheelchair exposes the mystery of the missing $8000 and Potter either ends up being mauled by the mob or jailed for petty theft. The happy ending seems quite lacking in justice.

But still a sweet movie.

Okay, need to run an errand with the kids soon and see if I've recovered well enough to do this.

FIRST... woo-hoo!

I know, I know... I've neglected this blog shamefully this past year. All of my highfalutin' talk about writing more is deliberately counteracted in direct proportion with how much I ended up not writing. How dare you try to better yourself, my self-destructive streak huffed, we shall see about that! 

Ah well.

No grandstanding promises for this year,  except small incremental changes. No beating myself up for failures, except just to dust myself off and try again.

The small changes I'm thinking of:

1. Limit internet escapist consumption - only check FB weekly to touch base with friends; no more Babycenter groups except maybe 15 minutes catch up on Friday night nursing sessions.

2. Aim for 20 minute blocks of the following activities daily, to repeat when possible: exercise, praying/meditation, actively playing with one or more kids, food prep/cooking, housework (laundry/dishes, tidying, for examples), singing practice, reading a good book

3. Use these activities rather than former bad habits like zoning out on the internet or emotionally eating to get through blah days: listening to an audiobook or playing informative YouTube channels in background while doing chores, taking baby for a short walk/errand.

4. Curb my material consumption by less readily buying things. This will save our money for experiences and community projects we support, as well as free up space and cleanup time.

My immediate family unit spent the three-day weekend mostly cooped up at home sick. The baby had/has classic markings of hand-food-mouth disease all over him and the husband and I were coughing up our lungs. I completely lost my voice. So I mostly rested, cleaned enough for the kids to keep making messes, cooked simple dishes, rinse and repeat.

It was surprisingly cozy and stress-free.

5. Be more at peace with staycations and just being together. Control my FOMO, because I'm just thankful now for good food, clean water and air (the air quality index was HAZARDOUS on the last day of 2017), healthy bodies, and everyone not fighting with each other. That is enough. Seriously.

One cannot tell how sick we are in this shot...

which is why social media is a lie

snapshots of daily life

At P's dance class tonight, I puzzled over the music that blared in the background to one of the dance sequences... before I identified it as Britney Spears' "Gimme More". Techno-ed up with some house dance genre twists to be sure, but these are kindergarten-age girls. Not sure how to feel about that. Must confess I personally find some of Britney's music videos surprisingly hypnotic and hard to disengage from, but not necessarily because of admiration or beautiful musicality. I guess that's what they call star quality?

D came home with a new notebook he was doodling on; he said one of his classmates traded that for part of his lunch. Apparently there was a bid between several contenders. Flattered (since I make his lunches), I asked which item they were fighting over. "The cheerios, Mom." Yes, I did include some cheerios that I can't find anywhere here and brought back from the US. They're fortified with calcium and B12 which I worry D doesn't get enough of. So much for my culinary prowess.

This past Sunday, it occurred to me at various times at church service that so-and-so is probably the kind of person one of my ex-boyfriend will eventually become. Both of them could be considered the best products of the Taiwanese education system: Upstanding professionals in leadership positions. A bit blind to social injustices and the plight of the poor. A bit lacking in creativity and imagination but makes up for it with strong work ethics. Another so-and-so reminded me of my high school nemesis/frenemy: Very talented and knows it too. Wants to be highly regarded by others and feel slighted if others don't obviously do so. A bit of a prima donna but old enough now to temper it with some humor and allowances for other people's strengths.

Both people are of the age range my ex-bf, hs frenemy, and I will land in the next 20 years. That made me wonder who I would remind myself of as an outside observer. On the ride home, it crossed my mind that I hope I would become like Jennifer, the pastor's wife. But then, another thought crossed my mind: But she has become the way she is (patient, kind, wise, strong in so many ways) because she endured and overcame a lot of shit.

Oh man. Would it be possible for me to become like her without needing to go through that process? Something tells me I won't like the honest answer, and the question is really: am I willing?