a brief interlude upon the past before I move forward from it forever

So it's official. Finally settled in my mind. A little over a month ago, about the time when I turned 30, I had decided to attempt at repairing as many broken relationships as I can remember. To my (pleasant) surprise, the one person that I thought would never forgive me seemed to have put his grudge against me finally to an end. At least, that's what I interpret the acceptance to my Facebook request and the friendly response to my birthday wish for him to be. To my (very sad) surprise, one other person--who I really don't know why I care as much as I do--did not. J.G. had broken up with me via email after a (disastrous) eight-months dating relationship while he was playing with his Pittsburgh church friends during the summer I was interning for a radio station in Asia.

His reason was that he didn't think our friendship was strong enough as a foundation for our relationship, so he would like us to break up in order to better strengthen our friendship first.  Our hanging-out remained cordially enough after I returned to the States--we even drove to Michigan and back together for two mutual friends' wedding as soon as I returned from Hong Kong (for which he still has not paid me his half of the car rental fee, oh well). For some reason, though, it all went sour. Maybe because I started dating another guy. Maybe because all the unhealthy things we did together during our dating relationship caught up with him and conflicted with his high idea of himself, and he could no longer acknowledge my existence. The latter is most likely the reason, since the last time we really talked, he had said, "It makes me feel bad to see you. Seeing you makes me feel bad."

It was really the last straw for me at that time. After all that he had done, somehow he made it sound like everything bad was all my fault. I distanced myself from then on, and he didn't stop me.

So, yeah, he definitely came to mind when I thought about burying all hatchets on my birthday.  It was not the first time I had reached out since that period of cooling-off, and I had received radio silence when I informed him of my engagement as well as being completely ignored when he sat across from me during a mutual friends' lunch gathering and other people expressed, well, emotions upon the news of my first pregnancy. So I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised to find out that he's decided to cut me from his life forever, if all of his Facebook activity sans any attention to my Facebook request is any indication. I shouldn't have been so surprised except for the factors: (1) it's been more than three years, (2) we'd been friends for far longer than we've been significant others, and (3) he's for all appearances involved finally in a dating relationship with a girl that's clearly more attuned with his personality and culture and who absolutely adores him, so why would he still be blasé about me?

Then I came upon, by serendipity, an internet article about letting friendships go, and it's really clear to me that that's a very specific case applicable to him. So, okay. Farewell, my former friend. I do wish you all the best in your future, and I hope one day you will truly forgive me for all the wrongs, real of imagined, that I did you. And also come to recognize me for who I really am, not some demonic being that pulled you down for a while, as you seem to see me.