Tonight was the last class of my writing course at UW. I'm glad Daniel encouraged me to attend, given that I didn't really have a chance to finish the writing assignment. In the end, I shared what little I have with the class, and they all seemed to like it. Ironically, all the positive feedback I got throughout the course was the main reason why I dragged my feet in returning, week after week. I'm more accustomed to hearing people point out weaknesses and places to edit.
Still, I'm glad I took the course. What I got out of it:
(1) the momentum to write again. It's been strange how easily the stories come to me, and it was surprising to see the directions my imagination goes with the characters. I just need to sit down and write, whatever. I just need to make this a regular part of my weekly schedule. I'm also going to carry around a little notepad to jot down ideas again. Stories often arise from a line or theme.
(2) more open-mindedness. At first I was hyper-critical of other people's writing. Thankfully, the writing instructor (a local writer) set the tone for the class by how he always looked for the writer's intention and commented from there. I do think that people's writing got marginally--or even a lot--better with each session.
(3) a new desire. Well, not really new, in that I've always wanted to be a professional writer. Except I've never seriously tried. I've always been too afraid that I might not be good enough, but this experience showed me that I'm not as bad as I had thought...Maybe, with enough writing, I will actually seriously submit some stories for publications....someday soon.
Someday soon probably doesn't entail the next two years, because I found out last Saturday that I'm pregnant again. It was almost exactly like when I found out about my first pregnancy... I didn't really think I was, but there's a test. I'm lacking incentive to get out of bed. Et voila, why don't I pee on the stick and observe what seems to me a bit of divination? (I mean, people used to kill rabbits and mix the rabbit ovum with all sorts of expensive chemicals in the lab, *then* wait at least a week to find out what I could do with my urine in approximately one minute. Wouldn't you consider a home pregnancy test to be just a bit magical?) So it wasn't that I suspected anything, or greatly anticipated any particular outcome like it was the last two or three times. I actually put the stick on a counter while I started prepping breakfast.
Daniel (coming out of the bedroom): "So, what does it say?"
Me: "Oh, I don't know." (turn to glance at the stick, see: "Pregnant", think: "Huh, the 'not' is missing.") "It says...(not not) pregnant ... I'm pregnant."
It was slightly unsettling because I had dreamt the night before that Daniel was having a discussion with me about how he doesn't want another kid right now, while he's working hard in his post-doc in Israel, because "it would be too much work." In the dream, I had agreed with him.
Apparently, things are different in reality, and real-life Daniel's pretty excited. I am a bit wistful about all the trekking and teaching gigs I'll have to pass up while in Israel, but I must confess I am very thankful for this development. We got pregnant immediately with Declan the last time, which had made me take having kids for granted. This second time around, it hasn't been right-off-the-bat conception, and I had wondered if I was to experience secondary infertility as some women I know did. It made me appreciate how Declan came to be a lot more, and reconsider how much I take for granted God's blessings.
Also, this settles my torturous back-and-forth with myself about whether or not we should have a sibling for Declan, whether I could handle having more than one kid, what about my career, etc. Most assuredly, this pregnancy is a gift from God. Therefore, He will provide everything else as well.
I hope I'll be able to find a good midwife and/or doula and birthing center in Israel. I hope this pregnancy will go well.
That Saturday, after we found out, Daniel, Declan, and I spent the whole day, minus Declan's most necessary afternoon nap, at the University District street fair. I bought a $35 hand sewn hat to celebrate. The weather was superb; the best before the rain returned. It was a wonderful day.
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