clingy toddler

I was up to here with impatience, feeling suffocated, what have you by 7pm tonight. As Declan nursed on me for three hours during his afternoon nap, I wondered if he would ever learn to sleep on his own. Ever. I also wondered if I would really be able to handle taking care of another child plus this clingy kid. I know, I know, stop obsessing about it already. I have a high school classmate who recently wrote on her Facebook wall: "Tax day is OVER. Now I can go back to being a stay-at-home mom. And getting healthy enough to become a baby incubator."

This is the same person who gave birth to her second daughter one month before I gave birth to my first (and--I thought at the time--only) child, and wrote on her Facebook wall then that she loved the calm and quiet of the newborn days. Given the fearful and stress-filled haze I went through, it made me really question myself as a mother. I wish I could love being a mother like she does.

And then Declan took forever to go to sleep at bedtime. I just got really tired of it all and refused to nurse after a while, so he decided to roll around on the bed instead. At one point, he grabbed me with both hands and then pulled me in (he's strong!) close for a really tight hug.

Okay, kid. You're lucky that you're so cute and sweet.

It's not that I don't like being Declan's mom. It's just that sometimes it would really be nice to have a break. That's one aspect of being a nanny/babysitter that I miss.