last month in pittsburgh

Day five of staying at J.L and J.W.'s home. Lots of things I still need to sort through for donation/packing to take to China. A wave of lethargy and/or surrealism that I'm finally really truly leaving Pittsburgh after six years brought packing to a near halt at the apartment in the final days of June. This resulted in frantic throwing of things into any and all open boxes and suitcases after the skirmish with the unreliable moving truck company finally resolved in the span of two days. I was reminded of the night I (1) just finished my finals for graduate school and was about to relax for the night with a movie when (2) my then-boyfriend, now-husband doubled-checked our plane tickets for what I thought was the next day but was actually a few hours in coming. Those midnight flight times were tricky, I tell you. Oh, and (3) I have yet to start the moving-out process of my then-apartment, which I was counting on doing for the whole non-existent day before our flight.

Commence panic, the test of true friendships during a crisis, and the chaos that was moving out against a pressing deadline. My little dog was placed on the bed to avoid being trampled. This time, the panic was accompanied by two neighbors with a one-year-old boy. They're from Taiwan and, even though I just met them on our last day in the apartment complex, helped us move out about six boxes of to-donate-to-others stuff and provided more boxes for our packing purposes because I had stupidly thrown out earlier ones. I am grateful for all the support we got from all directions.

So, apartment living, apartment living, apartment living... and we'll be living in an apartment once we get to China (God willing...location still to be found). For one month only, I am living in a house.

And it is glorious. I now understand, in a way I never could before having a child, why people would desire to own such big mansion-esque houses where the family car(s) even get their own little housing unit. J.L. and J.W.'s house is not ostentatious like those, but rather a two-storied cozy abode with wood floors. One room with foam tiles for the kids to play upon. It is lovely. I am relishing being able to type really loudly right now and heating breakfast in the microwave and flushing the toilet (a little while ago, not simultaneously as I type) and blowing my nose heartily on the *first* *floor* without waking the baby. It makes me wonder if the first few months of my son's life would have been less torturous for me, if I have had more indoor space to walk around while carrying his crying frame besides the three seconds of distance my kitchen had with the living room and the bedroom in my son's first home.

Still, living in a smaller apartment means less financial pressure i.e. professional work, for me, is still a choice rather than a necessity. It's a worthy trade-off, even though I miss professional work so much some days. I am not callous enough to be ungrateful for the extra time I get to spend watching my son grasp developmental milestones every day. Work will come, I have resolved, even if I start again with just a few hours of tutoring/translating/editing a day or adjunct teaching at a local university once we settle in the new city. Unlike work, of which one can always get a new one, this part of my son's life comes and goes once and only once; infancy is scientifically the shortest phase of a person's life.

Regarding infants, while watching my god-daughter aka J.L. and J.W.'s two-year-old girl play beside my son, I feel myself becoming more open to bearing just one more child. Hopefully a girl this time. (If not a girl, we will adopt.) And, seeing the difference between how a six-year-old vs. a two-year-old live alongside a baby, I'm wondering if I should be open to another baby sooner than the spacing I had formerly settled upon in the event I finally forget all the horrid details leading up to life now with my son and say, sure, why not go through it all again.

But, once again, China first. There's still a lot of challenges ahead to face, to trust God with, to learn and grow from, to enjoy, before I open this currently-distant can of worms.

As for now, I shall do my best to find where is where among our boxes. Hopefully I can find the charger for this laptop as well.