Daniel's right. It's all about waiting right now.
Waiting for the baby to fall asleep. To nurse again. To poop so I can change him immediately to stay ahead of the diaper rashes.
Waiting for Declan's chicken pox to go away so he can resume normal life routines.
Waiting for my c-section wound to heal so I can use my swim pass again.
Waiting for more time to pass so I feel less postpartum and less easily overwhelmed (and pudgy).
Waiting for 4am and more lights to turn on in the apartment units across the street, so I can feel the panicky feeling that grows in proportion with the deepening of the night to shrink as a new day advances.
Waiting for the 4pm pickup music to air by the elementary school near our home so I can feel some measure of relief that another work day is ending. Waiting for the nightly 30 minute walk I get to take alone through the neighborhood.
Waiting for life to become easier again. I think I've already said that, but who knows my brain is so fuzzy.
Waiting is so dully difficult, but necessary, so it is what I am doing for now. I'm thankful for all the little things that make it more bearable, and that I don't need to, say, work for a living or flee a war while I'm doing so.
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