if we had stayed in china

This morning, as I was reading books with Declan, it was obvious that he showed a preference for English books over Chinese ones. It pained me to hear him say: "No Chinese!" or start to dawdle and lose interest when I plowed on with reading in Chinese without doing on-the-spot English translations.

He's really starting to talk, and make conversations...all in English, with an occasional Hebrew word. But very little, if at all, Chinese. It makes me wonder, if we had stayed in China, if now he would be speaking mostly Chinese.

My children being able (and comfortable and willing) to interact fluently in Chinese is important to me. I am afraid this might become an impossible dream.

On the other hand, if we had stayed in China, I definitely would not have been willing to have another child. Even though life would have been a lot easier for me right now without the intense day-to-day struggles of minding a toddler and a newborn, it's hard to imagine never knowing Petra, this particular person that would not have otherwise existed in any other point in time, starting at her conception.

                       "Well, something's lost but something's gained

                       in living every day." - "Both Sides Now," Joni Mitchell