There's a Cafemom article floating around about "the mommy gene" -- how some women (or even men) were born and grow up with a sense that they are destined to be parents. They're drawn to little kids and babies and play house and are just naturally nurturing. If this article is true, then I'm definitely devoid of such a gene. I never liked to play house; The closest equivalent I can think of is the incorporation of what my brother and I learned in our social studies/history and government classes as well as watching the news into our playtime -- my stuffed animals printed their own currency and drafted Constitutions and peace treaties with my brother's stuffed animals. As for dolls, I've always found them a bit creepy, given my interest in ghost stories and their common theme of doll possessions.
So. Taking care of children, even my own son, often feel like drudgery. Admittedly, I get along well with children, namely because I strive to respect them just as much as I respect adults. I think children appreciate that, and it's something (I've come to realize) that not all adults do unto them. But I think, just as it is with my adult interactions, I like the company of children--or really, any living thing--in small doses. I suppose it's from the habit of growing up alone; moving every year meant I never hung out regularly with any long-term childhood friends, and books were my constant solace apart from my very shy and introverted brother. I kind of resent still being affected by the childhood I so want to leave behind but... there it is. And, as awful as it might sound, staying at home, doing household chores and being constantly loving, patient, and attentive to my son--day in, day out, all by myself with no other mother friends or just really good friends in general for company--feels a little bit like shepherding sheep in the backside of the desert. I suppose I should think on the bright side that it probably won't take 40 years for my son (and daughter, later) to become responsible adults of their own.
I looked up airline tickets to Pittsburgh yesterday, wishing that I could spent most of October there when the weather is most pleasant in Pittsburgh and still A/C-necessary hot in Haifa. I really don't know why I'm so very homesick for Pittsburgh. This didn't happen last year when I was in China. Maybe it's because Pittsburgh was where I spent all of my pregnancy with Declan, and I feel secure and confident in my experience there. Maybe it's a part of the nesting instinct. Who knows. But I often think wistfully of the falling leaves and cool weather there, the many friends that I wish I spent more time with, the fall recipes I could make without wanting to burst into tears deciphering unfamiliar letters... I'm going to try an experiment for this coming month--of imagining what I would be doing in Pittsburgh if I were in fact there at this current time, and then try my best to replicate/make possible whatever activity that might be here in Haifa.
As kind of a prelude to that, I bought a bunch of typical fall produce for a dinner with friends last Thursday. Things like butternut squash, which I've always found a little intimidating to break down. Then, today, with the leftovers of the squash, sweet potatoes, carrots from the lemon-garlic chicken dish I made up, I experimented with making latkes comprising of such root vegetables rather than the usual potatoes. Daniel, Declan, and I ate the resulting latkes with spreadable cheese that tastes kind of sour onion-y. It was a nice blend of tangy and savory -- success! One of Daniel's co-workers might be stopping by later to drop off a batch of tahini oil that she made, so I've saved the remaining batter to fry up for her when she comes.
Little things like this do give me a great deal of satisfaction. To be able to be creative with food and feed my family and friends healthful things. We've also found, via an Anglo-walk event, a stretch of path called the Louis Promenade (which I've mentioned before) that's a really pleasant route by which to take nightly walks. It's also been a good place to interact with local young families, as Declan would initiate play with other kids around his age that are also walking along the Promenade. Usually that results in Daniel striking up a conversation with the other child(ren)'s parent(s).
Maybe that's how most people stay happy through the humdrum life of the day-to-day. Things like the above to truly appreciate and be thankful for. I don't know what else I'm expecting life to be. Maybe more people to share it with...? I really don't know.
Declan shrieking in delight at goats eating the bread he offered (in Cortina, Italy)
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