giving thanks

I am aware that, by nature or nurture, I tend to be pessimistic. I tend to focus on the negative, or quash any happy occurrences with some caution. I tend to be afraid to be too happy, and my favorite music or books tend to be bittersweet or melancholic. I dislike the useless state of emo-hood, but suspect I tend to drift towards that region way too often.

So I need to practice giving thanks, because I have much to give thanks for.

-I give thanks for Daniel most likely getting the post-doc at the Technion, so that we know where we're going (at least for the next one or two years after five more months in Seattle).

-I give thanks for this second chance in Daniel's career, and that God really did not desert us. We have lost and gained so many, many things because of the China experience. This is something that bears further reflection and conversation with Him at a later time (when the baby's not at the risk of waking up before I'm able to eat a sandwich that is awaiting me).

-I give thanks that both Daniel and I are super, super excited for a chance to live and work in Israel. I love all that I learned and saw during my trip to Israel one month after I quit my last full-time job, and it was because of my Israel trip that Declan came to be.

-I give thanks that we still five more months in Seattle to do all sorts of things and strengthen friendships we have here. This city is lovely. Just today, as I was planning to walk away from a booster seat I had saw on Craigslist because I didn't want to pay US$10 for it (as opposed to one I might get online for $13), the woman decided to just give it to me (even waving away -- several times -- the US$5 I suggested paying) along with a bagful of toys that her twin boys have grown out of. We walked home this afternoon with three loaves of bread (given to us by Emmanuel Bible Church, the church we currently attend) and the booster seat and toys (also free). It amazes me how generously God provides through the kindness of these Seattlelites I've met, and reminded me of how tempted I was just to walk away when on my last Trader Joe's shopping trip, I had realized the cashier missed charging us for the cherries we got. Living on our savings and with no clear job prospects at the time, we've been pinching every penny -- but I had thought, "We don't need to (essentially) steal. If He wants, God will provide us with money beyond what is needed for cherries." This is a fairly inconsequential incident, but it really did a number on making me inspect my heart. And He has responded clearly to my wavering faith today.

-I give thanks that God is so patient with me, this often small-faithed curmudgeon. Thank You for being so merciful to me and my family. Leading me through the insanity of my childhood, the loneliness of my youth, the lostness of my college years, and now.